"I knew what their rule was: Girls like this love it when guys buy them drinks. But David X had taught me better: Girls don't respect guys who buy them drinks. A true pickup artist knows never to buy meals, drinks or gifts for a girl who he hasn't slept with. Dating is for tools."
-Neil "Style" Strauss, "The Game", pp. 155
In the boiler room that is that is the modern day sexual marketplace (SMP), one of the most contentious topics of all, is who pays for dates and whether it's still a good idea for a guy to ante up when checking out a potential prospect. Much has been written about this topic, hence the quote above - and indeed, in certain contexts, it is indeed a good general rule to follow: unless you've slept with the gal already, do yourself a favor and don't supplicate.
But since a wise Gamesman knows how to calibrate to whatever situation he finds himself in, he comes to understand when certain rules can be slightly relaxed or altered. Today's post is one such example.
I must say that this is a totally original creation on my part, formulated years before I ever even heard of such a thing as the Seduction Community; and I highly encourage my brothers to try this method out for yourselves and by all means, report back the results!
Here's the nub of it; first, a bit of the underlying philosophy of what I refer to as Cafe Date Theory, taken from a comment I posted at the venerable website, Very Smart Brothas:
"“Cafe Date Theory” operates precisely on this principle-what is the absolute minimum investment that I must make, the absolute minimum cost I must incur in the courtship process? My solution, which I've expounded on a bit last week here at VSB, is no more than the cost the average brotha pays for a haircut."
"As necessity is the mother of invention, long ago I came up with a solution to what Mr. Champ notes above with regard to fiduciary dating issues; I call it “Cafe Date Theory”.
This was a model I developed that accomplishes all the goals of a first meet after making first contact with the target in a way that is low risk for the guy, low pressure for the gal, and, in the event that things go south, allows both parties to walk away with dignity and honor.
Now then, to CDT:
1. The idea is to plan a mini-date (which is actually a kind of pre-date interview with your Target) that allows you to assess various aspects of your Target in a low cost, low risk way. Ive found the best way to do this is within the context of a brief cafe date.
2. Most big cities have many cafe type settings; I recommend that you map out all of the ones near you, sample their wares and keep them on your shortlist of places to meet with your prospects. Oh, and avoid the big name chains like Starbucks etc-you want to create a feeling of uniqueness and intimacy-therefore, hit up the more indie/electic spots.
3. This strategy is low cost-I recommend spending no more than $20, the price most brothas spend for a visit to the barbershop. If things go south, you wont miss the loot.
4. Also, make sure you do the meet in broad daylight, the sunnier the better-if at all possible, sit outside. This adresses several things: you're meeting at a time of day most dont associate with sex; you're able to fully assess her goods since women are known to use shadow to cover their more unflattering features (think Blanche DuBois); and meeting in such an open, public space puts her at ease (and also protects you in case she's a headcase-always have witnesses).
5. Make the meet no more than 45 minutes long, preferably a half an hour. It doesnt take long for a man to decide if he wants to move forward with a woman or not; and 45 minutes is ample time for a woman to decide if she wants to move forward with you as well. Meeting over a couple of lattes at a hipster cafe in the early afternoon will reflect well on you, as well as keeping things deliciously brief. Men of importance always have things to do.
The great thing about cafe date theory, aside from the aforementioned, is that it is what I call "mission variable"; it can be tailored to suit the particularities of the situation. Say for example, you two hit it off right away; you can easily convert the cafe first meet into a more formal date, which also achieves the needed venue switching (and rapport/comfort building) and goes towards time on the clock (see “the seven hour rule” for more). I have field tested this many times and can vouchsafe its efficacy. Of course if, on the other hand, things go south, you can walk away not feeling like a chump." In niteclub environments, which models of seduction like the Mystery Method was initially made for, it is best to go with the more standard operating procedures of not buying any drinks, etc. But in cases where you're running Day Game, and/or Online Game where you're meeting the Target for the first time in real time and so forth, Cafe Date Theory has proven itself to be highly effective.
Again, I implore you to try this out, and report back the results!
Now adjourn your arses...