Since it's the Eve before Thanksgiving, I thought to enjoy a bit of target practice. As per usual, the Little Clever Silly didn't disappoint. In a Nov 21, 2011 post dripping with melodrama, "UPLIFTING THE RACE OR HAVING A FAMILY–WHAT’S A BLACK WOMAN TO DO?"
, you-know-who goes unto the "Black Men Ain't Sh*t"
breach for the umpteenth time, with the following opening salvo:
"A common refrain from those who don’t think black women should pursue the opportunity to date non-black men is that in lieu of pursing “Mr. Charlie”—or some other racist epithet used to describe white men—black women should be attempting to ‘uplift the race’."
Stop right there - first, I see Ms. Thang's been reading along (See! Made ya look) and second, I see that The LCS' Hypocrisy is alive and well - it's perfectly OK to fetishize White Men by referring to them as "Rainbeaus", "Swirling" (the act of interracial dating, particularly the BW/WM combo) and my personal favorite, "Playing in the Snow"
- nope, no racial epithets to see there, keep it moving along. If the young lass weren't pathetic enough the whole thing would be a heck of a knee-slapper.
But this notion that I, or anyone else who deigns to skewer the sacred cows of the BWE Cult Movement, demands that Black Women "should be attempting to ‘uplift the race’." is patently absurd on its face - for one thing, please note that the LCS hasn't linked ONE direct source or quote from ANY voice in opposition to the daily drivel she spouts at a nonstop clip on her blog. Not. One. That, along with the Kafkaesque "those/them/they" - who are never identified by name, mind you - really tells you all you need to know that Ms. Jamila's screed is yet another in the umpteen strawmen she tosses up to obscure the real reasons as to why her and her Wannabe Swirling Sistas' lives so thoroughly suck. (Keep reading; detailed listing to follow in this regard...)
Let's move on:
"The history of blacks in America(n) has shown, time and time again, that choosing to uplift the race at the expense of her own personal happiness and fulfillment is a losing proposition for black women—this has been particularly true of highly educated black women. Taking it upon themselves to uplift the race has been a failed strategy for black women, not because black women have not poured their hearts and souls into the mission and made tremendous sacrifices on behalf of attaining the mission, but because the good that black women have done has been swamped by the negative effects of bad public policy."
Oh yea, all that "good" has been just ruined by "bad public policy" - the same public policy that makes it possible for Black Women to do so very well in the first place. Moreover, I didn't know the true movers and shakers of advancement in Black America was being the Sistahood - shoot, DuBois, MLK, Malcolm, Phillip A. Randolph, Medgar Evers, they were just posers!
You can't make this stuff up.
Jamila's diatribe continues for at least another page or two, yada yada yada. Yawn. Since it's clear that she has no clue whatsoever as to why she's in the spot she's in, and since she is just convinced that the Great White Hope will swoop in anyday now, I thought to spread a bit of Holiday Cheer and help a Sista out. Here's the time-honored Wifey Aptitude Test - designed by yours truly of course - and how Ms. Thang scores on it. Before we get started, let me just briefly state that I came up with this idea many years ago after seeing a need to more systematically vet the ladies that came into my life; focusing in on a number of key criteria, such as Looks, Cookery, Financial Acumen, Deportment, overall Mental/Emotional State of Being, and crafting a simple Ten Point Rating System, with a bit trial and error I was able to determine, within an interview or two (yes, I approach the Woman in my life in the same way that I approach my livelihood - and so should YOU) of the Target whether she was or was not, Wifey Material. Let's see how Jamila holds up:
1. She can't cook: "I told her that I was still trying to learn how to cook simple meals. I like to put well-seasoned steak together with plain white rice.
“You don’t have a husband?!”
(Didn’t I tell you how old folks will get all in your business?)
“No, I don’t have a husband, but I’m hopeful I will one day. Right now I’m just learning how to cook for the day when I will have one.”
This here is a MAJOR violation - and a telling sign as to why she a Baby Mama to boot (which we'll be covering shortly - stay tuned...). One of the bedrock fundamentals for any Woman looking to be a Wifey is that she MUST be able to know her way around the kitchen. If your guy can outcook you, you're in serious doo-doo, make no mistake about it. One reason, among many, that the Sista Spinsters are, well, Sista Spinsters, is because of this alone. But if it means anything to you, there seems to be quite a few Ms. Anns who can't seem to boil a pot of water right either...
Deduct 1 point
I had to file for bankruptcy in order to finish my bachelor’s degree. It all started in 2003 when I left the first college I attended owing them thousand of dollars that I hadn’t been able to receive a student loan to cover. Because Big State University didn’t get their money, Big State U wouldn’t give me an official transcript which I would need to attend college at another school.
After some years spent struggling to pay off the money to have my transcripts released I finally came to the conclusion that filing bankruptcy was my only answer. Once you file bankruptcy you receive protection from your creditors and, while your case is waiting to be discharged, universities have to release your transcripts no matter how much money you owe them. I saw an opportunity to work the system so that’s what I did."
Oh. My. God. You mean to tell me, that you not even 30 years old, AND
you ain't graduated yet, after attending umpteen colleges
, and you had to file for BANKRUPTCY
- at a uni that no one outside of Illinois has even heard of?
Are you kidding me? With a financial track record like that, how do you expect ANY
Man, to be able to trust YOU with the household expenses? Messing around with you will leave a Man on the street.
If a Man is the head of the household, his Woman is the CFO - so in order to be considered for the position, it is vital that a Wise Prince check her financials. She doesn't have to have A1 credit ratings - we all make mistakes - but the above is just downright ridiculous.
Oh, by the way, I can't prove this, but something tells me that another reason as to why at least some guys, which includes both Whites and Brothas alike, are a bit reluctant to pull the trigger, is due to what you just saw in the above quotes. Nobody wants to take on a serious debt risk - especially when she can't even cook.
Deduct 1 point
3. She got a flat/no booty AND she Lookin' like a Dude: "I know black people are supposed to be able to dance and the women are known for voluptuous behinds, but I missed being handed either of those points of pride. God gave me brains though (O: Uh, NO, please don't put the Lord out there like that)
, which is better than a big ‘ol booty anyway (O: No, it's not)
. *sticks out tongue*" (O: Please put that back in your mouth; doing that is the reason why you're where you are in the first place...)
"I had just about all my hair cut off today..." (Obsidian just slowly shakes head)
Another major reason as to why Sistas like you get Pumped and Dumped but not Wife'd Up, is because too many of you look (and act) HARD - you look and often act, LIKE MEN. No Man wants to get with a gal whose fade is sharper than theirs - Amber Rose's of the world notwithstanding, of course. With a self-admitted lack of a future behind you, AND a 1 1/2 cut that you rockin', a guy can't make you out at 20 paces - in short, it's a boner killer. The more Sistas look hard, the more they'll be left...alone.
I get that you wanted to go Au Natural and in order to do that you had to lop off the Creamy Crack Locks, but you running around with a mini-fro ain't gonna get it. What you need to do, until your crown grows back out, is take to wrapping your head - Geles make a Sista look mighty fine, along with dresses.
In fact, doing these two things alone will lift your overall point rating in the eyes of a guy who might be in the market for Wifey, be he White or Black.
But keep it the way you got it right now, and I can promise you that you can and WILL
continue to get what you've been getting - nothing.
Definitely deduct 1 point
4. She a Baby Mama: "I had intentions on applying for a Fulbright Scholarship. I considered applying to go to Mongolia, Botswana or Rwanda to teach. The idea of working with children in a developing country excites me. But I have a child to think about, and there are places on this earth that I don’t feel comfortable considering taking my daughter there until the infrastructure and health care system are greatly improved."
This is gonna hurt you much more than me, but somebody's gotta do it: having a kid (or three) can be a dealbreaker for many a guy - especially the Mr. Charlie types you drool over. Forget what you heard, there are real reasons why many guys break camp at the mere mention of you having a kid in tow - but not for the reasons you might. Be quiet, listen and learn.
Being a Baby Mama basically means, that you wasn't able to get a Man to put a ring on it - that he didn't see you as valuable enough. Just to have fun with. To be brutally frank, given what we know about you thus far, it's hard to see how any guy would make such a monumental move.
This is going to sound seriously counterintuitive, but you would have better chances to land Mr. Right if you had actually been married - why? Because of what I just noted above - because you would have proven that you worth putting a ring on it. The sad, brutal fact of the matter is, that Baby Mamas are thee hardest commodities to move on the LTR-to-Marriage Market, because merely being one is a proxy for you having low Wifey Value - which, by all accounts and your own hand, I might add, is you in the proverbial spades.
It is, what it is. Sorry kid.
Deduct 1 point
Already at this juncture, we can see that Jamila's down four points, and we haven't even gotten to the good stuff yet(!). By the way, in my point-rating system, if a candidate goes at or below a "5" on the scale, she's basically toast - I mean, think about it - how many winning teams have done it with an at or barely .500 record?
I could go on, such as Deportment and Emotional/Mental State, but I don't want to embarrass you anymore than I already have - seriously though sis, let me just ask you something:
Given the FACTS as I have laid them out above, what do you have to offer a Man - in your case, a White one - in a LTR/Marriage? I mean, really? You talk constantly about marriage this and marriage that, but on the most basic measures, you not only are lacking, you're coming up woefully short. What is the upshot for a Man in being with you, for the longhaul?
*For those reading along at home, you might have noticed the conspicuous absence of the word "Sex" throughout this post. That is not by accident - Men don't select for Wifey based on what goes down in the bedroom (or elsewhere). Women think we do, but we know better - which explains yet again, why so many Sistas are alone. You see, far too many of them think that if they're "sexy", they can just put it on a guy and viola!-relationship. NOT.
In fact, if you're not careful, you'll mess around and slot yourself into Jumpoff Territory
, which is the feminine equivalent of the Friend Zone.
Not even the skankiest of Ho's - and I'm not saying Jamila is one so please don't misquote me - wants to be pumped and dumped.
Jamila, if you have one scintilla of commonsense and reason within you, you would be wise to heed these words, because I know you read what I write. What I am telling you every Man you know and don't know will corroborate, and most likely would go double for Mr. Charlie. If you're really serious about getting Wife'd Up, you would be about doing all you can to actually up your game, heh heh. Writing longwinded tracts about how Brothas are keeping Wannabe Swirling Sistas Down will NOT help you fix your problems. As per usual, those things that are most within a Sista's control to make a difference in and about, she eschews, in favor of talking loud and saying absolutely nothing.
Bang, there it is.
My job is done here. Have a Happy (Swanson's Dinner) Turkey Day!
Now adjourn your asses...