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Sunday, October 30th 2011

4:29 PM

Ralph Richard Banks Discusses "Is Marriage For White People" On The Jesse Peterson Show

Regular readers of the O-Files will recall my recent thoughts on both of the aforementioned gentlemen; for those who may not be familiar with all of that, and/or may be in need of a refresher, just keep reading along. Although I have yet to read Prof. Banks' book (and I hope to very soon so that it can get the reviewing treatment it deserves), I have been able to get the gist of what he's saying via a number of articles he's written that have appeared in such places as the Wall Street Journal, and various media appearances where he has granted interviews such as the Jesse Peterson Show. 

The latter in particular is what I would like to examine, opine upon and respond to in this post. Since my last post on Rev. Peterson, I decided to subscribe to podcasts of his radio show so I would be more familiar with his thinking and stances on various issues, and while I have areas of considerable disagreement with him, I must also be candid in saying that there are areas where I think he's spot-on in his assessments. His Sep 7, 2011 interview with Banks, is one such instance. 

For those who may not be familiar with Banks' book, its the usual boilerplate tripe on the state of Black America, which is really about the state of Black Women - woe is me/I can't find no Man/Black Men Ain't Sh*t and so forth. Banks gives the whole thing the patina of academic respectability by bringing his formidable ivory tower credentials to the table of discussion, but when you really boil it down, what I noted above really covers it. Indeed, the book, again, based on that which I've been able to glean thus far, doesn't cover any new ground, and right out the gate you hear this point loud and clear in Banks' interview with Peterson: he (Banks) states that he started out by interviewing both Black Men AND Black Women, but eventually settled on just focusing on the latter. When asked why by Peterson, Banks responds by saying that basically, Black Men's responses were too straight-to-the-point and that Black Women elaborated a lot more. 

Now, let's start the examination right there. How many books have been written about this topic either by and in any event, FOR Black Women - and how many have been written by/for Black Men? To ask the question is to answer it - yet Banks, a verified academic, doesn't actually DO what academics are charged to do - which is to take the road less traveled and to dig deep into perplexing questions that no one's really given a heck of a lot of time to or about; but rather, he merely retreads the same, old, tired stuff that we've all heard a thousand and one times at this point, while completely (and based on the interview, I would dare say deliberately) sidestepping some of the most obvious answers as to why (some) Black Women find themselves in the pickle that they're in. 

If Banks really wanted to contribute something legitimate and meaningful to the literature surrounding Black issues like these, he would have focused his book on why Black Men think and act as they do when it comes to relationships, sex and marriage, and so forth. But he didn't - he sticks to the staid and safe, and one can't help but get the distinct impression of opportunism with the entire enterprise - the book is entitled provocatively after all, and aimed at an audience that is well known for their interest in and purchasing of, such tomes. 

As I listened to the exchange between Banks and Peterson, I was reminded of another well known talking head who hyped a book by sending a piece to the WSJ - Kay Hymowitz. Her "Manning Up" article created such a furor in response by pissed-off (White) guys that the WSJ server crashed and became, and from what I understand remains, the most commented-on article in WSJ Online's history (my good friend Ms. Susan Walsh covers the whole thing over at her excellent blog effort, Hooking Up Smart; see here). Indeed, in many ways, it can be said that Banks' book is a kind of "Manning Up" in Blackface, because both he and Hymowitz start out from the same premise - a deeply flawed one in my view. 

What is that premise? Well, among other things, that "accomplished" Women have some kind of right to an equally (read: MORE) accomplished mate. When you really sitdown and think about it, that's what they're both saying in their tomes, articles and interviews. Of course, no one but The O-Man himself will have the presence of mind or the testicular fortitude to pose the question: where is it written in the Constitution or the Bill of Rights that says, that these ladies have a right to Mr. Big - or any other Man for that matter? I thought the American Experiment granted each and every one of us the right to PURSUE Happiness - not the right TO Happiness - correct? I mean, Prof. Banks is a law professor of some repute - clearly, he can correct me if I am wrong here. In any event, the very premise reeks of an entitlement mentality that would not be countenenced for one nanosecond if the the roles were reversed - how many Women would be completely cool with the idea that, since a Man has paid for a night out on the town, he is then entitled to sex with his date? Or that Men are entitled, because they are "Nice Guys (TM)", to Dimes? Again, as I always say, to ask the question, is to answer it. 

Yet, our society seems to have no problem peddling in these entitlement notions for Women, and the reason(s) for doing so will only continue to befuddle you if you haven't taken the Red Pill. But for those of us in the know, we understand exactly what is going on, and have found ways around the system, so to speak; there is no spoon. 

The other flawed premise that both Hymowitz and Banks proffer, is the notion that Men are somehow "wasting their lives" - I don't buy the assumption a priori - but even if that were true, so what? I thought people have the right in America to conduct their lives as they see fit - not to make them subordinate to the whims and wishes of others. I mean, wasn't that what the Women's Lib Movement was all about - giving Women choices? If so - and I for one have no problem in the least with that - then why can't that same choice be extended to Men? If a Man wishes NOT to go on to college, etc et al, isn't that his choice? And if he decides that he wishes to spend "x" number of years as a slacker, or the entirety of his life, again, isn't that his choice? Why do we say it's OK for Women to have "choices" but for Men only "duties"? I say what's good for the gander is good for the goose. 

And that is what this whole ball of wax is really all about. Banks attempts to use an Econ 101 reasoning on the Black mating market when it is clear just by listening to him that he's better suited sticking to law and education. For example, and again - just because you "deserve" something, does not mean that you will get it, or that you should. Accomplised, educated Sistas should simply understand that merely being that does not entitle them to Brotha Mr. Big - and to even suggest otherwise, is like me saying that, because I'm a great guy, I'm entitled to an Audi A6. Try that on your local Audi dealer and report back the results. 

Audis, like any other product or service on the market, go to those who have the means to acquire them; as Snoop so famously said in The Wire, "Deserve's got nothin' to do with it". if these Sistas are finding themselves coming up short, perhaps they might investigate the reason why from their end of the spectrum.

"But wait Obsidian", many of you may say, "isn't Banks right to note that there are more Black Women than there are Black Men? Aren't Sistas just dealing with basic math here?" - to which I would reply the following:

NO. And here's why: 

1. While it's true that there are more total numbers of Black Women to Black Men (as there is in the White society and many other places in the world sans China and perhaps India, for manmade reasons I might add), such a stat is misleading: it is only true in the upper ages, and by that I mean, after 30. The ratios are a lot more even the lower in age you go. So, what it means in reality is, that there are more OLDER BLACK WOMEN OVER 30, THAN THERE ARE BLACK MEN. This is a huge modifier to the roadworn trope about there being a "shortage of eligible Black Men"; it brings a much needed perspective to things. As we Red Pills know and know well, a Woman's "shelf life" is considerably more limited than a Man's, ceteris paribus - and, as OKCupid has clearly shown, most Women have literally aged out of the dating/mating singles market by the time they hit 35, because most Men simply aren't attracted to such Women as they are to their younger counterparts. Call it what you will, but them there's the breaks, the free (sexual) market at work - and I for one see nothing in the least wrong with that (after all, consider the fact that most Men don't get laid AT ALL - more on this point below...); why Banks, who in his interview with Peterson makes clear that he not only focused on Black Women for his book, but Black Women in their upper 30s, 40s and 50s, doesn't seem to understand this, is the real mystery - NOT why Black Women seem to do so poorly on the interracial dating market.

2. Banks is woefully ignorant of HSD, which is the underpinnings of Game, and what some refer to as the Apex Fallacy - or put another way, a Woman's natural impulse and real psychological/biological need towards Hypergamy. As any Brotha can and will tell you, there are scores of Brothas out there for Black Women, but most Black Women aren't attracted to them for various reasons, legit and not-so-legit. Like all Women, Sistas tend to be attracted to the uppermost echelons of the Male hierarchy of their social/ethnic/racial milieu; that they do this doesn't automatically then mean that there aren't enough "good Brothas" to go around. It simply means that there aren't enough of the kinds of Brothas Sistas want - in this case, since we're talking about a rather small cohort of Sistas to begin with (since most Black people, Man or Woman, DON'T go on to college), the Obama-type Brothas (highly educated, suave, smooth, gainfully employed in a white collar professional capacity, etc.). 

But should this really be a problem though? I mean, there is a limited number of Dimes at any given time, too - but Banks didn't see fit to write a lengthy annotated tome about the woes of Brothas being upset about there not being enough Dimes to go around. Again, since the good prof wants to suggest using an economic lens through which to see all this, there will always be a "shortage" of highly valuable goods and services - simple Suppy & Demand at work here, folks. Yet Brothas (as do all Men) seem to get on with the business of living, knowing that the supply of Dimes is rather small (Women exceeding a pure "8" on the physical attractiveness scale, physical beauty being a key consideration in terms of sexual attraction for Men) and the demand high; they either have the means to win the Dimes of the world, or calibrate themselves accordingly and either settle for the sub-8 ladies in the round, or they sit it out altogether without much ado or fanfare. Why can't Women simply do the same? Why all the need for books, blogs, articles, seminars, workshops, etc, et al?

The question posed above is purely rhetorical, of course; we here who know the real deal already know the answer: we as a species pander to the Female because at bottom, she has possession of a highly valuable and, at least up to this point in human history, non-renewable resource - wombs. 

For his part, Peterson straight up pinned Banks to the wall numerous times throughout the interview; for example, when discussing the plight(?) of Sistas being single mothers, Peterson makes the point that if a Woman wanted to get married, she undermines her own stated goal of making that happen by sleeping with a Man beforehand, and therefore has no one to blame but herself if and/or when things don't lead to marriage as she hoped; the same can be said for the Baby Mamas. Banks of course, balked, and tried to offer as a counterpoint the example of being mugged at gunpoint - to which Peterson simply said, that none of those Black Men forced those Black Women into marriage or commitment-less sex at gunpoint. 

No response from Banks.

At another point in the interview, when Banks laments the marital woes and prospects of Black Women while at the same time noting the somewhat high percentage of Black Men "marrying out", Peterson simply responds by saying that one of the reasons why this is, is because many Black Men are deeply turned off by the attitudes and anger/bitterness so many Black Women have and portray, reminding them of the matriarchs in their early homelives, and they want no part of that. Banks again wobbled on his rhetorical knees from receiving such a body-blow, but Peterson makes a powerful point and one that is never addressed when discussions like these come up - no matter what one may think of absentee/deadbeat dads, the fact remains that the kids are under the purview and guidance of Women; it all went down on their watch. So maybe, jusy possibly, one reason why some Black Men act or react as they do towards some Black Women, may indeed be due to longstanding issues they had with Black Women in their younger years as children and more specifically, boys growing up. 

Of course, Banks never saw fit to investigate that angle for his book. Hmm.

Finally, Banks' "solution" - that Black Women "open themselves up more to" the notion of marrying interracially, most notably to White Men - flies in the face of mountains of statistical evidence that even Banks is aware of, but is either too timid to outright admit, or is too ideologically invested in acknowledging - that there is simply too much mutual dislike and lack of (sexual) attraction between White Men and Black Women to make a longterm go of things (short term is another matter; just take a look at all the lightskinned Black folks running around today for proof of that). In particular, Men hold all the keys, since it is still Men who must take the step of proposing marriage by and large - and White Men have indicated six ways to Sunday, that they simply are not interested in putting a ring on the vast majority of Sistas, regardless as to whether she graduated Magna Cum Laude and resides in the corner office suite at the job or not. 

Even more to the point, and which was amazing to me given that I couldn't believe my ears when I heard it, is the fact that Banks knows that marriage rates are and have been dropping off for Whites, not just in the USA, but throughout the Western world - so, if that's the case, and it is, how in the hell does he think his "solution" is gonna actually work? If White Women are beginning to have a tough time out there on the marriage market, what makes the rank the file Sista think she can do better, when it comes to snagging a White guy? Moreover, what is the evidence that Brothas, by and large, will give one whit? 

Since Banks likes to try his hand at divining the SMP for the benefit of his lady readers, I'll do both him and them a solid by mentioning two words: Thomas Sowell, someone who's right in Banks' neck of the woods. If they take the time to read Sowell's works, they will find that he discusses the concept of tradeoffs quite a bit, and just how little we as Americans truly understand it. When it comes to Sistas, they need to understand that they are the double beneficiaries of the Civil Rights and Women's Movements, and as a result have achieved and done great things, which are to be lauded - but it does come at a price. One of them could just possibly be, that they have "priced themselves out of the market" when it comes to relationships and marriage. Nor is there likely to be any artificial market "corrections" forthcoming, for the very reasons noted in this post; Sistas will simply have to accept that this is the way things will be for a considerable number of them, get over it and find other things to do with their lives - Gardening, perhaps. 

After all, plenty of guys who drop out have their Xboxes - right? A big part of being an adult is in understanding - and accepting - that not only is life often unfair, but that you cannot and will not always get what you want, no matter how "deserving" you may feel yourself to be. Nor is that something that is or should be taught in the ivory tower - it should be taught in the very homes where Black Women preside. That so many Sistas don't have this basic level of understanding about life, despite their "accomplishments" in my view calls into question much deeper questions as to the very real hold on reality so many of these ladies actually have - something that merits much deeper examination, to be sure.

As you might have guessed, I'll have more - much, much more - to say about Prof. Banks and his writings including his book in the days and weeks to come, because there really are some serious canards that he posits that call out for an equally serious skewering, so take this as the opening salvo if you will in that regard. In the meantime though, just consider Rev. Peterson's interview with Prof. Banks one that is rarely discussed out in broad daylight.

Let the sunshine, 
Let the sunshine in,
The sunshine, in...

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian
74 comment(s).

Posted by Malia:

Obsidian says:
A big part of being an adult is in understanding - and accepting - that not only is life often unfair, but that you cannot and will not always get what you want, no matter how "deserving" you may feel yourself to be. Nor is that something that is or should be taught in the ivory tower - it should be taught in the very homes where Black Women preside. That so many Sistas don't have this basic level of understanding about life, despite their "accomplishments" in my view calls into question much deeper questions as to the very real hold on reality so many of these ladies actually have - something that merits much deeper examination, to be sure.

---------------------------------------------------

Misguided. Possibly, lost. Probably, devious.

You know what the end result of teaching something like that is: what you see happening among black males, the "choice" to not achieve great things because life isn't fair and you can bust your ass and still not get anywhere. Something taught to blacks across the board, but primarily those on the lower socio-economic levels, which KEEPS THEM POOR AND UNDEREDUCATED.

Yet you, claiming to be "enlightened" and studying great works, actually suggest this be taught to black women.

Black male achievement is already on the decline what the hell do you think will happen once you start putting black female achievement on the decline?

You cannot raise people to be great at some things and just accept that life sucks for them when it comes to others. These things are inseparable. Accomplished is accomplished. You can't tell someone who is a high achiever that they will suck at ANYTHING, they s imply do not believe it. Those who do, are at best, moderate achievers.

There is a mentality to accomplishment and you can't half assed cultivate it yet expect good results overall. So you start telling black women life is unfair and you just may not get what you want (because in your shortsightedness you expect thi
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 2:41 PM

Posted by La Reyna:

Richard Banks proposal that Black women should date/marry outside the race is laughable. For one, the history of this nation. Two, very few White men are interested in marrying Black women, but want short term relationships with us. Three, the current social climate of this nation is getting worse, not better.

Oh, I've mentioned Halle Berry's relationship woes with her ex-boyfriend, Gabriel and how he mentally abused both her and their daughter on this website.

Also, here are some more "gems" from WN website, American Renaissance, regarding Mr. Banks' views:

"Michael C. Scott wrote at 5:30 PM on September 12:
The obvious corollary to this suggestion is that white and oriental men think black women are physically revolting."

"Anonymous wrote at 7:17 PM on September 12:
The whole reason this chaos- black men in prison, black women unable to find spouses- is happening, is the forceful integration of Blacks into a society that they would never have created.

This problem would not exist for Blacks in a Black African country. And there would be no pressure on Whites to, once again, help out Blacks by sacrificing our own genetics, among other things.

In a saner age this professor’s idea would be laughed at, but everyone is supposed to be clueless about race, so we will continue with this dog-and-pony show until Whites get the big picture."

"CDE wrote at 7:28 PM on September 12:
How many black women are actually considered attractive by white men? Maybe something like 1 out of 100. The hot black women you see on TV are not representative. Out in the work-a-day world I hardly ever see an attractive black woman. And the ones I do see know they are the rare hot ones and act like it, complete with holier-than-thou attitude and won’t give you the time of day. They deserve to be alone. I could care less."

" generalquagmyer wrote at 8:54 PM on September 12:
Black women do indeed face obstacles in trying to find a mate: Morbid obesity, bad tem
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 2:44 PM

Posted by Malia:

Comment second half:
----
ou expect this to "balance out" the dating and relationships arena) then guess what Einstein? You have fewer black girls fishing school, fewer going to college, fewer getting jobs and moving forward at work, all the while the single parentage stats keep steady and may even increase.

So I wonder, could you be so obtuse as to miss this or do you know full well what you're putting forth, you just do this with full intent, claiming to be out for the good of all?

As you say, to ask the question is to answer it.

It's a good thing you're not the teacher in that home.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 3:06 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Michael jordan is considered to be the greatest basketball player ever. When he briefly left the game after his dad died he took up baseball. He totally sucked at it.

Question: how does this fact jibe w/your diatribe above?

Please explain?

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 4:46 PM

Posted by Malia:

You proved my point. He was a legendary basketball player he simply did not believe he would suck at anything. He gave it honest effort but hat wasn't his thing. Had he believed he would be horrible at another sport it likely would have spilled over into basketball and his performance would have declined there.

Love it or hate it part of the motivation to accomplish is the belief that you will succeed and prevail. Those who are unsure or feel the end result will be mediocre spend more time on the sidelines than on the field. It is what it is.

You start spreading a mentality of mediocrity towards black girls/women you'll see achievement decline across the board. It's shortsighted (or intentionally evil) to think any good will come of that. After all it's the prevalence of a mediocrity mentality that is responsible for a large portion of the lack of achievement among most black males.

It didn't matter that mj wasn't great at baseball people remember him as a basketball legend not a baseball failure. Had he not believed his own hype he probably would have never been a basketball legend to begin with. He'd be one of the other nameless dudes who has a few championship rings only because they passed the ball to the one who made history.

You either breed a success mentality or you don't. But a half assed success mentality is simply postponed failure.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 5:06 PM

Posted by Kigali:

@Malia

Can I just say that there are some things you have control over and some things you dont. How can someone achieve a certain type of romantic life when it requires the consent of an entirely different person?
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 5:54 PM

Posted by Malia:

@kigali:

One of the biggest problems people have with relationships is the insistence that the person THEY WANT do the things and feel the way they want. It's not that people can't find a match, it's the insistence that a particular person, or group, be the match even when it's clear that they are not. People can get what they want just not always from whom they want it, and that goes both ways.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 7:24 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
My point wrt mj is that no one can be all that in all areas of life. Moreover what does this have to do w/my post? Youre derailing the topic and creating strawmen where there are none. i never "endorsed mediocrity", "failure" or anything else on the part of black men or anyone else; i merely said that people can should and whether you like it or not malia, DO have the rigght as americans to live the lives they choose. If that means they live their lives as slackers if theyre good w/it so am i.

I get the distinct sense that youre spoiling for a fight. Youre not one of those bwe cultist types are you?

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 8:01 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Yes but only men are told this-not women. Hence what i said in my post and i maintain what i said: these sistas, simply because they went to school and have good jobs do not have a right to a relationship or a man. They. Simply. Dont. If it happens great; but clearly the sistas prof banks talks about in his book/interviews came up short in the love life area. And that may not be due to anything on the part of brothas but of themselves.

For example banks focuses on sistas in their latter 30s and above. Well thats too old for many men out on the dating mkt-see the okcupid link if you dont believe me. So if you want to pursue advanced degrees/career understand that you do so at the expense of finding a mate because men like beauty AND youth in women. And nothing you or anyone else can say or do anything to change that.

Black men in jail "dbrbm" etc et al have zilch to do w/the above-that is something completely within the purview of those sistas themselves. They have only themselves to blame for their forlorn love lives.

Banks needed to say that.

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 8:08 PM

Posted by hello:

I am not black, as you know, but here are my thoughts:

I have known a modest number of white, Latino, Middle Eastern etc. men who are interested in dating black women. Not a huge number. But I have known FAR more non-black men open to dating black women than I have known black women who are open to men of other races. A woman only needs one, so who cares what 90% of other men think of you if you find a good one who loves you the way you are?

I lived in the UK for 6 months and toured France, Germany etc. during my hitch. In those countries white men frequently marry black women.

Also I have not researched this in depth but you say Banks is denying the female tendency to desire marrying up, but isn't he encouraging black women to fulfill that desire by choosing mates based on educational compatibility rather than race?

I will also say that I am attracted to all races of men and have dated men of many races. I am of primarily European descent and my present boyfriend is Middle Eastern. I think that common interests and emotional compatibility are far more important in relationships than race and ethnicity. Why would anyone choose a partner with who doesn't share their values just because they are from the same ethnic background?
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 8:22 PM

Posted by Malia:

--My point wrt mj is that no one can be all that in all areas of life. -

Of course, but your "resolution" is to pre-determine what people can and can't be or have by putting forth a self-fulfilling prophecy. You're telling people to just give up on something from the gate and acting like that doesn't have unintended consequences.

--Yes but only men are told this-not women.---

I am really not sure what bubble you live in but at every corner, in every facet of every thing, black women (in particular) are being told no one wants you, you're not good enough, you don't do enough, you're to ___ and not enough of ___.

--these sistas, simply because they went to school and have good jobs do not have a right to a relationship or a man.--

Any good person who wants love and gives love deserves to be loved. Period. If you want to tell these women they're barking up the wrong tree, fine. If you want to tell them they should reassess their strategy, fine, but to start acting like people just shouldn't be loved is ridiculous.

---For example banks focuses on sistas in their latter 30s and above. --

For good reason, because those are the women for whom marriage and family is a more prominent issue. No point in focusing on 20 somethings who aren't even seriously thinking about getting married.

-- because men like beauty AND youth in women--

For sex, but the stats on marriage age don't back you up on that (most marriages are within a 5 year age range). So telling women they just need to bag it up after 30 is senseless, they just need to fish in a different pond.

--Black men in jail "dbrbm" etc et al have zilch to do w/the above... Banks needed to say that.
---

Yeah, okay.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 8:37 PM

Posted by hello:

What does my comment have to do with Jewish divorce rates?
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 9:46 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Please read my post again. I made it clear that no one would take the laments of a man bemoaning the lack of dimes in the world seriously, or that he felt entitled to sex after paying for a night out for a woman etc. He would be simply told to man up the end.

Yet we dont do that w/women and that was my point wrt banks and his book: no one has seriously raised the point that these women dont have a right to a relationship a man or anything else; its a matter if they have what it takes to get what they want out on the open market. Lots of people are w/o rolls bentleys. Why? Because they lack the resources to get one thats why. "deserve's" got nothing to do w/it.

What part of that dont you get?

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 9:46 PM

Posted by hello:

The idea that all women suddenly turn into repulsive hags on their 30th birthdays is one of the more laughable lunacies of the so-called "scientific" Game blogs. Males who will only date 18-25 year old are worthless no matter what their age because they will always trade you in after a few years. The good, decent men out there seek other traits besides just looks in their ladies.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 9:59 PM

Posted by Malia:

Obsidian these women DO have the right to a relationship the only issue is that they need to be realistic about where they're likely to get it and get real about who that guy is. They don't profile crackheads for these books and specials, they don't parade the strippers and the criminals and the 300lb women. Yeah they deserve a relationship because they're willing to invest in one. They just need to quit dealing with guys who think they're unworthy of one.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 10:08 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@hello;
My point is that the jewish community stresses their men and women getting together like no ones business yet they have a fairly high divorce rate. Which means that there are other things that matter to being together than merely being jewish. Yet they continue on in that vein. Why?

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 10:16 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Again-please show me where it states in our founding documents that any of us has the right to a relationship? Ill wait. The simple truth is, that there will be some of us who not be able to compete out in the smp. Sad but true but heres the kicker: whereas historically there have been more male losers than women this time around the scales will be more evened out.

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 10:20 PM

Posted by Malia:

If you're going to switch up the argument and make this about the constitution then fine, I'll change my verbiage. They deserve a relationship. That they don't have one could be a factor of their resources or it could be a matter of where they're shopping. I deserve a safe place to live but if im insistent upon living in the hood, I'm unlikely to find that. Get in where you fit in, it's that simple.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 10:24 PM

Posted by hello:

Sure, youth gives a woman more options. But that doesn't mean a woman should retire to a convent age 30. I'm 31 and before I met my boyfriend I met numerous men in my age range who were interested in me despite being over 30. I don't care what PUA types think of me.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 11:03 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Yes im using the constitution to make a point which is that no one owes us anything; we get that which we have the resources to acquire. Clearly in the case of the ladies banks was talking about they lacked the resources to get those things they wanted like relationships/marriage. But this is nothing new. Spinsters have always been with us. This time around they will be just a bit darker is all...

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 11:08 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@hello:
Ahhh now the truth comes out and which explains things. Please do not put any words into my mouth. I said nothing about a woman being 30. I was clearly talking about women in their latter 30s and above. Please leave your personal biases at the their. Also please dont come up in here talking that pua smack. Stick to the topic: okcupid study clearly says that older women have a much tougher time out on the dating mkt.

True or false in aggregate - your personal experience does not count...

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 11:15 PM

Posted by Malia:

Yes we get what we have the resources to get as long as we are trying to get it in a market in which it's attainable.

Whats up for debate is the extent to which these black women can get it from black men period or from the type of black men they seek. If anything black women's failure has been chasing the affections of men who don't want them and men who really dislike women altogether.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 11:32 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Whats silly is you attempting to derail my topic. Which is that banks is talking about a cohort of women who are virtual spinsters at this point. I posit the reason for this has at least as muich to do w/their own life choices as much as anything banks wants to lay at the feet of black men. I am saying that those choices entail inevitable tradeoffs just like anything and everything else in life does. Why cant they and you see and simply accept this as the cost of doing business and get on with it? Again-does a guy deserve a dime becauae he wants one has a good job/education and is a nice guy?

O.
Monday, October 31st 2011 @ 11:35 PM

Posted by Malia:

----Which is that banks is talking about a cohort of women who are virtual spinsters at this point. --

They're not spinsters.

-- for this has at least as muich to do w/their own life choices ---

Agreed, and one of those life choices is chasing the affections of men who do not want them, and/or are not interested in marriage and/or monogamy, as much as it could be blamed on prioritizing career and education in their youth. All Banks is saying is that perhaps they are barking up the wrong tree, so to speak.

--Whats silly is you attempting to derail my topic---

Please, on THIS blog topics get derailed all the time.
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 12:05 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Youre right topics do get derailed all the time here and thats mostly due to you BAG LADY. Nice try w/the ruse but you gave yourself away a little while back. Wanna try actually contributing to the convo now?

Or do i have to start hitting the delete button?

Lets try this again: banks is talking about a group of women who at this point spinsters. One of the reasons why theyre such is due to certain decisions theyve made such as prolonged schooling and career building. This is inversely correlated to relationship/man attraction and banks has noted as much himself in the interview i talked about. This is one of the tradeoffs i was talking about.

So youre right-thes women are in a sense chasing men who dont want them-brothas who have options and then white men who have options. That makes them two time losers when you really think about it.

Talk about barking up the wrong tree...

O.
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 5:11 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia aka DESI BAG LADY: One of the reasons why "those men dont want them" is because THEYRE TOO OLD. You cant be a woman thinking that youll simply hit up the dating (which is what leads up to marriage in its best light) scene when youre damn near 40. This is where outfits like okcupid come in because they clearly show what happens to such women-they tend to get passed over both by older AND younger men in favor of younger women. I know that chaps your hide as youre a lot closer to 40 than 25...tough. Thats life and theres NOTHING you or anyone else can do about it. Men in general and especially desirable ones can and will choose younger to older women more often than not. This is what all the data says.

So your "point" about married couples being no more than 5 years apart in age is worthless for a whole host of reasons but heres a simple one: it doesnt say anything about the age at which said couple got married in the first place. Here banks' book is on point-black women especially have thee lowest rates of marriage out of anyone else. Which tells me that regardless of age theyre in trouble. One of the reasons why is directly due to the bad decisions they keep making.

O.
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 5:52 AM

Posted by hello:

O, I met my boyfriend on OKCupid so I know the site pretty well. Of course men in general are less interested in women after that peak age but some men are not as hung up on that as others. Men who are obsessed with a woman's age are NOT the good guys out there so what is their attention worth? Also online dating stats may be interesting but they don't tell the whole story. A guy in his late 30s or early 40s who might not write to a woman in his age range on a dating site might ask her out if he met her at church and she was attractive and friendly. Same with short guys. From what I have read a short guy is typically out of luck on a dating site. Not that it's easy in real life but people are more open to looking past superficiliaties when they talk to real people rather than photos.

As for being 25, well I got lots of attention from superficial jerks at that age but none of them loved me. I am very grateful for being off those men's radars because it.
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 8:28 AM

Posted by hello:

Being young and having trendy looks may mean that a wider variety of men are interested in you but it doesn't mean they will be kind and loving people. These kinds of men who strictly date 18-25 year olds usually just want to use your youth and beauty without marrying you and will trade you in for a new "girlfriend" when you get too old for them. Marriage-minded women of any race know to avoid them.
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 8:34 AM

Posted by dragnet:

Nice post.

Banks writes that black women marrying out will put pressure on black men to "man up". What he's basically saying is that the actions black women take can influence the behavior of black men.

But black men have been arguing this point for the longest time, except we've been getting called misogynsts when we do it. It's obviously that a lot black men don't care about college because too many black women want to fuck thugs and rappers, and that if black women would stop dating thugs and dealers that young black boys would start getting jobs and degrees with a quickness.

It's interesting that black women don't mind taking responsibility when doing so would enable them to, in theory, marry white men. But when taking responsibility would mean they'd have to take up with betas, all of sudden they can't be held responsible in any way for the behavior of black men.
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 9:53 AM

Posted by La Reyna:

Dragnet,

You are so spot on. There's a racial double standard when it comes to manhood. The BWE crowd would excuse douchebaggery in white men, but won't tolerate it in Brothas. Sad, but true.

La Reyna
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 10:39 AM

Posted by Malia:

Im not bag lady and since you run a blog you should have the technical wherewithal to check IP addresses and realize such.

Twice you've used the accusation and for any person with proper analytics installed on the site it's easy to check. When the conversation seemed to be mature I participated but clearly you're immature and incapable of intelligent debate, so you resort to such silly tactis. I refuse to get into it with someone not worth the time.

You can ask my friend jhane sez about me. You think youre putting someone on blast but she will confirm you just out your foot in your mouth.
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 11:15 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia (bag lady?):
I accept ur challenge & wil contact ms jhane sez 2 see whats what. Stay tuned.

Also, bag ladys known for constantly switching her ip addresses. I have about half a page of them in my blog book that ive banned from this site thus far.

And now im immature even though you have yet to actually address anything ive said. Ill tell you what: if you arent the real bag lady, until she shows up youll do...

Smh

O.
Tuesday, November 1st 2011 @ 1:27 PM

Posted by BAG LADY the real slim shady:

1. You've accused Constantine and now Malia, and a few other posters, as being me and none of them read like me at all. What gives?

2. "But black men have been arguing this point for the longest time, except we've been getting called misogynsts when we do it. It's obviously that a lot black men don't care about college because too many black women want to fuck thugs and rappers, and that if black women would stop dating thugs and dealers that young black boys would start getting jobs and degrees with a quickness."

Are you trying to convince us that professional middle to upper middle class Black women in their 30s chase after thugs and rappers?!?!?!
_______________________
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 12:55 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

Continued from above:

People wouldnt assume that everytime someone comes on here whos outta pocket that it was you; and

2. Actually what dragnet said has a lot of merit to it. Of course we cant expect women to own up to this and admit it...

O.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 4:29 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@bag lady:
Just for the record because i know how easy for you to get/be confused...

Dragnet isnt saying that these women are chasing after thugs etc NOW; hes saying that while younger they wasted a lot of that time going after cads instead of getting w/the more stable brothas around. its actually something ive been giving some thought to especially since dragnet weighed in so stay tuned-looks like this banks things got legs...

O.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 4:34 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Just got text message confirmation from ms jhane sez that you are indeed who you say you are. My bad.

Now how about actually addressing the issue instead of attacking the messenger?

O.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 4:37 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@hello:
Oh come on now youre being downright silly. So if a man doesnt wish to date/marry a woman he deems as too old hes not a good guy? Ok so what about all the women out there who flatout refuse to date/marry short guys-are damaged goods too?

Yeah youre right-short guys have it tough not just in terms of online dating but in life period-yet you dont see them w/mountains of books blogs magazine and newspaper articles etc whining and complaining about it. They simply get on w/the business of living and stfu.

Its the ladies, turn...

O.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 4:45 AM

Posted by dragnet:

@ Obsidian

"Dragnet isnt saying that these women are chasing after thugs etc NOW; hes saying that while younger they wasted a lot of that time going after cads instead of getting w/the more stable brothas around."


Yes absolutely---but my critique is even more fundamental than that. I'm saying that it's hypocritical to believe that black women's dating behavior can only influence the actions of black men when they're encouraged to date white men, and not when they're encouraged to date decent black men (ie, beta males). Good black men have been saying that if women only dated degreed brothas, the losers and thugs would get to college with the quickness...only to be shouted down for saying this places the responsibility for black mens' actions on black women. However, when presented with the notion that black women can change black male behavior by dating white guys, all of a sudden black women are now quite accepting of their power to influence the behavior of black men.

It's really just another example of how females just aren't into betas---and Banks (guided by his gynocentrism) has now lent the sheen of academic scholarship to this hypergamy.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 5:49 AM

Posted by dragnet:

@ Bag lady

"Are you trying to convince us that professional middle to upper middle class Black women in their 30s chase after thugs and rappers?!?!?!"

No one cares about what women in their 30s are attracted to.

I'm saying that during their most attractive years black women, like all women, are chasing alphas---and that these alphas are usually not nice guys. I'll say it again: if black women spent their attractive years only dating pedigreed or gainfully employed brothas, there would be more black dick at State U than a urinal at a Busta Rhymes concert. We need to acknowledge that black women have always had the (sexual) power to influence the behavior of black men, but haven't deigned to use it when it would've meant having to date black betas---only when it meant the (theoretical) possibility of dating white alphas.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 6:32 AM

Posted by Malia:

---Now how about actually addressing the issue instead of attacking the messenger?---

I addressed the issue: these women are NOT too old, they just simply need to turn their attention towards older men (and also divorced men) instead of focusing on never married men their same age. Marriage certificate data trumps OK cupid surveys (and no one with more than half a brain can deny this).

---Dragnet isnt saying that these women are chasing after thugs etc NOW; hes saying that while younger they wasted a lot of that time going after cads instead of getting w/the more stable brothas around---

You guys need to quit acting like white dating culture applies to black dating culture, in totality.

--So if a man doesnt wish to date/marry a woman he deems as too old hes not a good guy?---

If a guy feels like beauty belongs to those 18-25 (again something you borrow from white dating culture), then yes, he's not a good guy to be with because eventually the 25 year old will become 35 and what's he gonna do then, when his entire value of beauty is wrapped around youth, which is unsustainable? Women with sensibility understand this and avoid those guys, for their own sake and for the safety of their potential daughters (and yes women think about this).
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 10:42 AM

Posted by Malia:

---I'm saying that during their most attractive years black women, like all women, are chasing alphas---

First you said they spent this time focusing on school and work, now you're saying their wasting their time chasing alphas. Seems you don't know WHAT your argument is other than you just don't like what they're doing at that time in their lives.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 10:42 AM

Posted by dragnet:

@ Malia

"First you said they spent this time focusing on school and work, now you're saying their wasting their time chasing alphas. Seems you don't know WHAT your argument is other than you just don't like what they're doing at that time in their lives."

First of all, that was Obsidian's comment.

And secondly, those two things aren't mutually exclusive. Women can study hard and

A woman's most attractive years are from age 16-26---give or take.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 11:07 AM

Posted by dragnet:

Sorry, that last comment got cut-off.

Women can study hard and build careers---while riding the alpha cock carousel. They aren't mutually exclusives and whole swaths of the manosphere are devoted to discussing the phenomenon.

Women are most attractive from 16-26---give or take a few years. There's plenty of time then to study, work and chase thugs, losers and PUAs. Happens all the time.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 11:09 AM

Posted by Malia:

@dragnet

I don't read this blog enough to know whether you're black or white but that 16-26 thing is something that comes from white culture, because the only time you hear that coming from black people is when you're talking to black people that are immersed in white 18 and pick up culture.

After all, there's a reason for the saying that black don't crack.

If anything, the concern with black women is weight, not losing attractiveness after 25. You can't apply all things cross culturally.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 11:20 AM

Posted by Malia:

That should say white dating and pickup culture (Siri isn't perfect and this comment box doesn't scroll)
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 11:21 AM

Posted by dragnet:

@ Malia

I'm black, prefer to date black women, and stand by my statements 100 percent. That---all else equal---men generally prefer to fuck young early 20s women as opposed to older women. That goes for black men, white men---any men.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 11:30 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
Do you habe any us govt stats/data that indicates a sizable % of marriages taking place where the women were in the age demo banks was talking about?

Links please?

Thanks

O.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 1:21 PM

Posted by Malia:

census.gov

Specifically look for the fact finder and tables on marriage. Let me warn you, I've researched the data so I know of what I speak, and I stand behind what I write. **WHAT I WRITE**

--Do you habe any us govt stats/data that indicates--

I did not write this so you will not have me research YOUR points. However, I've read the data tables, but I'm not going to take the time to look them up for you because even a basic understanding of math and statistics would indicate that if the mean or median age is in the late 20s that a notable percentage of those marriages DO occur after that. Do you not know what a median is and how to calculate it?

Also a factor you are NOT considering is the data on second marriages which for both men and women have a median age in the 30s (google median age at second marriage to make it easier for yourself). Which is why I suggested that most of these women, who are still single, will fare better when they stop focusing on men their age who have never been married.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 1:51 PM

Posted by JhaneSez:

I think I see where the disconnect for me with this discussion is coming from.

The black chicks I knew and know who are in college studying and riding the alpha c*ck carousel are not high achievers... AND their careers reflect this but because the bar is lower in the black community they are often lumped together

The party girls didn’t and don’t go on to become doctors, lawyers, CPA’s, get MBAs from good schools, etc.

This group of black girls, who are attractive and in the 16 to 26 age range do NOT have the luxury of behaving like that in school (especially not an HBCU) and they are frequently off the market during this period of life in LTR... these type of black women aren’t screwing around. You can't be a black woman and get into med school screwing around... you just can't

Their problem is usually that they spent their prime years as you guys are defining them committed to men who are not ultimately offering marriage because the men are busy exercising their options... this is, and continues to be their problem. ~JS
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 3:16 PM

Posted by dragnet:

@ JhaneSez

"Group A sistas usually have a track record of serial monogamy with men who won’t offer marriage..."

But this is still a phenomenon of alpha cock carousel riding---because these women could find men who would marry them...if they would date men who were more beta.

"Men who won't offer marriage" are alphas who think they have better options. If these Group A black women were in relationships with guys who were more beta, they would be married yesterday.

But then this lands us right back at square-one---that women 90 percent of women don't actually want to give those betas a shot...but giving those betas a shot is the only way to put pressure on the thugs and smokers to hit the books.

Either way you slice it, hypergamy is the culprit---and Banks seems determined to miss this.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 4:51 PM

Posted by Malia:

---"Men who won't offer marriage" are alphas who think they have better options---

I call bullshit on that. Not true. Ask a whole bunch of black women who aren't offering marriage and you'll find out that the so called "good dude beta' is still holding out.

These women Jhane is speaking of are NOT alpha carousel riding. You cannot pick the same things that happen with white people and act like they happen with black people.

They don't.

Most of the time when the question is posed if you're ready to get married right now, the answer (categorically) is EVENTUALLY. Therefore, you guys are the ones engaging in serial monogamy without offering marriage. That's a given.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 5:29 PM

Posted by :

@ Malia

The women Jhane are talking about ARE carousel riding---but in a more passive way than the straight-up hos.

Point blank: an alpha is a guy who is considered desirable by women. A beta is any other guy. If the 'good dude beta' is 'holding out' for someone better then he is alpha by definition because he is attempting to leverage his attractiveness to realize his options.

If these girls want to get married, then they will have find someone even more beta. But they will not do this, because they aren't into beta---the same with most other women. But taking up with beta is the best way of pressuring the losers to "man up"---not encouraging black women to date interracialyl (although they should--and are--certainly free to go that road).
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 6:23 PM

Posted by JhaneSez:

---"Men who won't offer marriage" are alphas who think they have better options. If these Group A black women were in relationships with guys who were more beta, they would be married yesterday.---

No... because the men I was describing WERE betas while they were in school and dating these women, it was after graduation or when considering grad school that these betas began to back off and say that they were too young to get married but wanted to live together first, or they needed to work on their careers and get established and if she could just hang in there until then of course they would marry her...eventually.

When a woman is in her prime 16 to 26 a woman who wants an education is not going to seriously consider marriage until she is in her early 20’s... and these sistas unlike their white counter parts are not getting offered a ring and a date type of proposals.

The girls in their 20’s who were in LTRs took the ring when it was offered... but in the black community a lot of brothas were and are encouraged to wait and be sure, because there are so many women out there looking for a good black man.

And a lot of brothas out there have a bad case of alpha envy and will dump a good woman because as you pointed out she is “past her prime” and take the opportunity to have their own alpha experience.

Real talk... how many women have you proposed to who said no ~JS
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 6:42 PM

Posted by Doesey:

"I call bullshit on that. Not true. Ask a whole bunch of black women who aren't offering marriage and you'll find out that the so called "good dude beta' is still holding out."

SMART BLACK MEN. Gotta give them props. Make something that unattractive for men via all the feminist re-mechanizations since the matriarchal supremacists feminism man-hating movement and you get what you marched and screamed for...

barreness.

Why are black women who've been promoting, or at least being hush about it, single-mother households so suprised they're avoided.

I'm proud of Black Men. They LISTENED to Black Women and gained their freedom from the Matriarchy. The tax-supported "backbone" as it were.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 6:49 PM

Posted by dragnet:

My point is that if these women date a beta enough guy he will, in fact, marry them---because he has no options. Betas are guys coming from a place of scarcity and these guys are usually all too eager to wife up the first half-decent pussy that rides them. These women need to give these guys ultimatums---the guys don't taken them are too alpha and have options. That dudes that wilt are betas. If they get a beta enough guy, the carousel riding is over. One and done. So the best strategy for women, is to double down on the beta. Hard. I've witnessed this time and again.

But we know this isn't going to happen because these women, like most, aren't into betas.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 7:42 PM

Posted by Malia:

As Jhane has said, there are two groups of black women who factor into this discussion:

Women like http://carolynedgar.com (a cohort of Banks who was interviewed for this article). High achievers who, quite simply, do not have to throw an ultimatum at a beta to get a ring (and really shouldn't, that's a loser strategy). They have options, but cultural barriers (most are mental and social) prohibit them from doing so. These women are not going to do as you suggest because, as mentioned before, this goes against the factors that have propelled them to be achievers in the first place.

Then you have the psuedo-achievers. Those who are educated and degreed (possibly multiple degrees) but who flounder around in life because they have no real plan. Some of these are the bloggers Obsidian loves to take shots at. THESE are the women who may (MAY) do okay with some of your strategies (though they actually are pretty bad strategies for anyone).

You cannot apply one strategy to all.

Now you can continue to showcase immaturity by focusing your conversation on sex and who you want to smash and who is the most f-able. Please do so, because you clearly mark yourself so that life-building, family building, and foundation seeking women can easily spot and avoid you. Telling women like http://carolynedgar.com that they need to wrap it up because they are "too old"... well... it just shows how much of a non-factor you are to women of substance (off the radar as they say).

"Boys chase girls and women. Men chase family." ~Paul Carrick Brunson
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 8:34 PM

Posted by Dorsey:

Malia is free to fuck Carolyn Edgar is she so wishes.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 8:52 PM

Posted by Dorsey:

And she's one of those arrogant black feminist typical single-mom talking typical ish Matriarchs too?!

YUCK.
Ya'll probably hit it off Malia...
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 8:58 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

In case Malia's still reading along, this quote:

"When analyzing the black women who are 35 and older, the percent who have never been married drops to 25 percent, indicating that a solid majority of black women get married before they turn 35."

More here: http://www.empowernewsmag.com/listings.php?article=2051#.TkGRdHr50Zp.email

Comment & reply, invited...

O.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 9:05 PM

Posted by Malia:

http://www.cdc.gov/nchs/data/databriefs/db19.pdf

page 4.

One of the frequent arguments that I get into with people is the interpretation of data. Numbers are numbers. When people interpret and report on those numbers, they often state things in a confusing manner.

--indicating that a solid majority of black women get married before they turn 35."--

This is a misstatement, the more clear way to state this is

A MAJORITY OF THE BLACK WOMEN WHO GET MARRIED DO GET MARRIED BEFORE THEY TURN 35. This refers to a graph (or data) on the percentage of the married population who have had their first marriage by the time they reach a certain age. You can see that on page 3 of the link I have above. You can also see the incline of the graph differs for blacks vs whites which counters your theory that most of these women would do best to marry in their 20s, because if that were the case, the incline would be steeper at those ages.

However, even referring to your statement above, the number still hovers at around 50%, which again, is technically a majority, but still doesn't back up your assessment.

Obsidian, if you had a better understanding of data analysis, this would not be a conversation because you would have a better ability to interpret the data. This is why I responded to you the way that I did, because I understood it and didn't really feel there is an argument to be had. I really do not wish to continue to go back and forth with you on this because, as I said, a simple understanding of math and statistics resolves this issue.

However, you are into this whole confirmation bias thing and you will continue to seek out data that backs your view, even if your interpretation of it is off.
Wednesday, November 2nd 2011 @ 9:53 PM

Posted by BAG LADY:

@Malia, "I addressed the issue: these women are NOT too old, they just simply need to turn their attention towards older men (and also divorced men) instead of focusing on never married men their same age."

AGREED.

I've said before that there are plenty of open minded, liberal White guys out there more than willing to date and marry Black women.

A 34 year old single, middle class Black woman can very easily get her a good 38-48 year old provider type White guy.
Thursday, November 3rd 2011 @ 12:35 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@bag lady:
I knew youd come outta thw woodwork sooner or later! Just couldnt resist could ya?

Im sorry to inform you bag lady but the data as we have it does not support your assertions. Try again!

O.
Thursday, November 3rd 2011 @ 1:13 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@malia:
You know now that i think about it this is the second time youve shotdown a set of data because you didnt like the way it was presented or done etc. Youve impugned the integrity of okcupi and the profs who conduted the study ive referenced but heres the thing: we can vouch for their credentials. What are yours? Why should your word matter more than theirs?

Theres a number of points in your comments here that id really like to respond to and am hoping to do so very soon so if youre so inclined stick around! The nights still young...

O.
Thursday, November 3rd 2011 @ 1:20 AM

Posted by Malia:

--why are you here?--

To be honest with you, I posted (on the initial day) because I had some downtime and I was reading a few blogs. Your blog doesn't get that far with discussion on some topics (partially because the layout doesn't foster it, but I'm told you're adamant about keeping it that way, so I'll leave it alone) and it was an opportunity to "jump into the fray".

I don't believe that you're honestly interested in the collective well being of black women, therefore your advice will always be tainted with a bit of sabotage. I believe that you have some gripe with a certain demo of BW so you keep taking (passive aggressive) shots every chance you get. I believe you wrote this post going in on Banks because he has something you don't-- broad spectrum credibility-- and you wish he took the same stance you (y'all) do (there's a reason that stance isn't taken and it's not financial, it's because it doesn't hold up to scrutiny). I believe that a lot of BM on your blog and elsewhere, are only interested in taking advantage of the current dynamic in the black SMP to get more sex, but they too are not interested in the collective well being of black females (which is why most don't want daughters, chickens roosting, reaping sowing, etcetera). They do this bc they believe that when they finish doing dirt, they will get a clean slate and be able to "wife" a "good girl".

I don't believe that your blog, collective, etcetera, is interested in progressing the collective black male existence to a state of heightened accomplishment, what you guys actually are interested in doing, is the social equivalent of "looting" or "getting over".

Having said that,
Thursday, November 3rd 2011 @ 2:59 AM

Posted by Malia:

I'm sure the conversation kept people reading also, so you're welcome. And I'm sure this response will likely lead to your comment count going bananas, so again, you're welcome.

You are absolutely right-- there is no reason for me to be here. It's not even an interesting debate WITH YOU because half my time is spent pointing out how you misinterpret data (which leads to faulty conclusions) or refuse to seek data unless it confirms your POV.

To address your other response to me (in the other post): you can't use numbers to make a point and then when called on it say you've never claimed to be a bean counter. if you don't understand it, don't use it, it's really that simple.

I don't think you're dumb as a bag of rocks (strawman), however, you are a very well read and articulate person, but you said that I used non sequiturs, which means (in a nutshell) illogical. My comments were not illogical, and, again, logic is actually a function of math (even when we're talking about discussions), not whether or not you understand it or agree.

Having said that, I'll leave you with this bit from Wiki because you'd be far better off using inductive arguments [my comments in brackets]

Deductive reasoning concerns what follows necessarily from given premises (if a, then b). However, inductive reasoning—the process of deriving a reliable generalization from observations—has sometimes been included in the study of logic. ... An inference is deductively valid if and only if there is no possible situation in which all the premises are true but the conclusion false [this is where you've consistently been wrong and it has been fairly easy to disprove your conclusions with data]. An inductive argument can be neither valid nor invalid; its premises give only some degree of probability, but not certainty, to its conclusion [you'd be far more effective if you went this route... thank me later].

Lastly, you've responded since I've begun writing and to this:
Thursday, November 3rd 2011 @ 3:01 AM

Posted by Malia:

--Youve impugned the integrity of okcupid---

If women WHO ARE SEEKING MARRIAGE want to look at the opinions of men from an online match-up site, they'd be better served by looking at a site like e-harmony, which is relationship focused, vs a dating/sex focused site like OK Cupid. (we are all adults, why does this even need to be said, why isn't this just a given?)

Regarding that other one you quoted, those professors did not conduct the study, they interpreted the data. I am not saying they are wrong, I am saying the context of what they wrote could be more clearly articulated.

----------------------- I'll (finally) finish with this. Which goes back to something I said earlier.

I take it as a complement that you called me a partner in crime to Jhane. I respect her immensely as a sparring partner and a writer eloquently able to articulate her POV. You took that and butchered it to make your points where if you kept her post in its entire context (I read it before she sent it to you) and your response as such... it would have preserved the integrity of her arguments and lent integrity to your MO. She's a woman of great intellectual integrity and would never have taken the road you took.

But in doing that, you have proven that you are just not interested in intelligent discourse. It's like the guy who punches below the belt when nobody is looking. Sure you dealt a blow, but is that really a victory?

You don't need to expect me to keep responding because when I have to continually explain to someone where a survey lacks applicability, that's when I know it has jumped the shark. It's not a conversation worth having anymore.

@Dragnet, it was good sparring with you.
Thursday, November 3rd 2011 @ 3:05 AM

Posted by LOL!:

"--Youve impugned the integrity of okcupid---"

LOL!!! Bwahahahahahahahahaahah!

OKCupid is a joke! Its a hook up site for gods sake. Not a science journal.

Put down the spliff already, brah.
_____________________________
Thursday, November 3rd 2011 @ 8:17 PM

Posted by Bag Lady:

"Spliffs smell much better than curry "

Um no. Indian spices smell good and Indian food is a hit with black folk and people all over the world!

Try again, pothead.
_________________
Friday, November 4th 2011 @ 4:42 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

@bag lady fakin da funk:
Uh, yea you desis smell like nobodys business when u dont take a bath for days and have that curry all over you. What is it about your culture that the females walk around so downright funky?

We wear deodorant in the usa bag lady. Try it with your friends!

O.
Friday, November 4th 2011 @ 6:04 PM

Posted by Adonis:

WTF is Malia smoking... I want a $50 bag

"Deserve" is the most overrated word in the American Vernacular
Sunday, November 6th 2011 @ 1:35 PM

Posted by Adonis:

@Hello

As Chris Berman of ESPN says

"Tick, Tick... Tick, Tick... Tick, Tick..."

I hope your BF marries you & follows through
Sunday, November 6th 2011 @ 1:42 PM

Posted by Adonis:

@Malia

Im not bag lady and since you run a blog you should have the technical wherewithal to check IP addresses and realize such.

IP addresses can be manipulated...
Sunday, November 6th 2011 @ 1:44 PM

Posted by Adonis:

@Dragnet has a handle on this topic 5x more than I do... When he speaks I understand it completely, thanks...
Sunday, November 6th 2011 @ 1:55 PM

Posted by Adonis:

@Malia

"I don't believe that your blog, collective, etcetera, is interested in progressing the collective black male existence to a state of heightened accomplishment, what you guys actually are interested in doing, is the social equivalent of "looting" or "getting over"."

This has some truth to it, but you should be outraged with the women who took advantage of their sexual market power & overplayed their hand... That is where your outrage needs to go
Sunday, November 6th 2011 @ 2:04 PM

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