Powered by Bravenet Bravenet Blog

Subscribe to Journal

Saturday, April 30th 2011

8:56 AM

Male Victims Of Domestic Violence=Lack Of Frame & Zero GAME

"The efficacy of your Game is directly proportionate to the strength of your Frame."

- Obsidian Maxim #11

NOTE: Now that the Moon is in fiesty Aries, I thought this would be a good time to go there. The following post originally appeared as a comment at Very Smart Brothas on Mon, Apr 25, 2011. It has been slightly modified from its original version. To see the original "cut", click here

Hello Champ, Everyone,

I trust you all had a Happy Easter. 

Before I register my thoughts on the matter, please share with me the following money quote, taken from the Men's and Father's Rights website glennsacks.com:

"4 Feminist Myths about Domestic Violence By Glenn Sacks

Since October is "Domestic Violence Awareness Month", I'll mark the occasion by examining four of the most prevalent feminist myths about violence in families.

Myth #1: In violent heterosexual relationships, the aggressor is almost always the man, and the victim is almost always the woman.

Serious research on domestic violence overwhelmingly asserts that domestic assault is committed by both men and women and that, by using weapons and the element of surprise, women are abusing their male partners as often as vice versa. Only about 1/4 of violent heterosexual relationships fit the feminist "man/aggressor, woman/victim" model--about the same percentage as fit the "woman/aggressor, man/victim" model. Roughly half of all violent heterosexual relationships are mutually abusive, and domestic violence rates between men and women are comparable from small violence to serious violence, including murder.

The mutual nature of domestic violence has been attested to in voluminous research. For example, veteran domestic violence researchers Richard Gelles, Murray Straus, and Susan Steinmetz, who were once hailed by the women's movement for their pioneering work on violence against women, were initially surprised to find equal levels of male and female violence. Since then their studies have confirmed it repeatedly.

Cal State Long Beach professor Martin Fiebert compiled and summarized 117 different studies with over 72,000 respondents which found that women initiated domestic violence as often as or more often than men. Studies conducted by the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire in 1975, 1985, and 1992 found that abuse rates were equal between husbands and wives and that abuse of wives by husbands is decreasing, while abuse of husbands by wives is increasing.

Studies by researchers R.I. McNeeley and Coramae Richey Mann show that 
women are much more likely than men to use weapons and the element of 
surprise. These weapons often include guns, knives, boiling water, bricks, 
fireplace pokers and baseball bats."

There is also reputable data on IPV/DV wrt Lesbian couples...but that's another issue for another day.

Then, there's the high profile cases of Lorena Bobbit and Mary Winkler...and depending on who you talk to, the former Mrs. Tiger Woods.

I think this most recent case of Woman-led domestic violence is a clear case in point for the fact that far too many people get it completely twisted as to what and who, an Alpha Male is. Many people mistakenly think that merely having lots of money and/or fame/social status is what does the trick. Uh-uh. Truth be told, some of the worst no backbone having Men around are the ones that typify the topic of this post. 

Psychosexual dominance is a matter of the mind - what is known in Game circles as your "frame". In fact, one of my Maxims (#11) is the following: The efficacy of your Game is directly proportionate to the strength of your Frame. When a Man finds himself the victim of domestic violence at the hands of his Woman, he has been blown all out the frame. His Game is in a shambles. His Woman literally, wears the pants. 

Inner Game - the practice, discipline and school of thought that "frame" emanates from, is the key factor here; and even many a Gamesman will lack the frame needed to be successful out there on the dating and mating market (oh, and by the way: just because you're married and/or in a LTR, does not make you or your significant other/spouse exempt from the forces of the SMP; I'm jus' sayin'), which explains why they often run into what we in the community call "sticking points". 

It is part of a Woman's nature to test a Man for congruence, and this does not stop once comfortably settled into a routine like a marriage or an LTR. In the community, this is commonly known as a "shit test". Fiestier Women will often try to pick fights with a Man, and if he caves in any way she can and will lose respect for him, and things go downhill from there. We all recall the much-publicized private life of Rihanna and Chris Brown (and MUST we mention the predations of one Ms. Mary J. Blige???), and while I do not condone or endorse what he is alleged and convicted of doing, I also am of the view that Rihanna was testing Brown to see what he was going to do. He failed badly. 

Your frame must be unshakable, impervious to your Woman's estrogen-fueled rollercoaster highs and lows. When she gets outta pocket, YOU MUST NOT RESPOND. You are a Flintstone-sized boulder, the Monolith in 2001, a Ghanian Mahogany tree more than a thousand years old, your visage as unchanged and constant as the Lincoln Memorial. You must do what USMC Gunnery Seargent R. Lee Ermey did in his bid to go from technical advisor to actually playing the part of famed Paris Island Drill Instructor Sgt. Hartmann for the immortal Vietnam War-era classic Full Metal Jacket. Do you know what he did?

He rounded up all the other real-life Marines on the set and got them into formation, and then proceeded to give them an uninterrupted tirade of insults, not stopping, stuttering or repeating the same thing for fifteen minutes straight, all while being pelted with tennis balls, tomatos and oranges, and put this all on videotape. When Stanley Kubrick saw the resulting performance, Ermey won the role on the spot. THAT, my Brothas, is FRAME like a MFer. 

Personally, I've been in a number of...shall we say, intense situations - and in every one, I did all I could not to lose the frame. I've had pots and pans thrown at me, and not moved or fliched (they didn't hit me). I've had Women attempt to goad me into fighting/slapping/etc her, and didn't respond - indeed, if I didn't act like she existed at all, I would allow only the slightest of Chesire Cat grins to curl the corner of my mouth in a show of Amused Mastery. I've had Women call me everything but a child of God and then some, hoping I would respond. When I didn't, they all flew into even more of a tizzy. 

Of course, when the time came to handle business, they were, shall we say, quite aroused. Niagra Falls comes to mind as a fitting image. And then the appropriate spankings were administered for her getting outta pocket. Ahem.

A Man who is as emotionally volatile as his Woman is a Man that Women does not want, is not in love with, does not respect, and certainly does not lust for. She has no reason to - after all, you are only her with a Male chromosome. Never argue with them - that is a massive DLV. Instead, show her who has the strongest frame. 

She will love - and lust - you for it. 

*Later on in the discussion, frequent VSB commenter "BKSweetheart" says the following, in the midst of a brief exchange between us*: 

"I have no issue with anything you said in your comment, if thats indeed the truth.

Referencing my own relationship, I am often disappointed at my SO for getting into it with me over stupid stuff. Even though I may have started the argument or gotten a little overly emotional about some small thing – sometimes I want him to be the one to rise above and be the voice of reason (i know its not always possible in every situation, but at least try). Usually that’s not the case, however.

I guess in my mind, I want him to be better than me.. He is 9 years my senior after all. But I guess he feels that by principle he can’t “allow” me to talk to him a certain way and get away with it (i guess????) so he has to verbally engage with me to “check” me (emulating what he feels is the “alpha” thing to do)… but really ends up having the opposite effect because after its all said and done, I’m actually more disappointed in him for engaging with me when I was having an immature/PMS moment or otherwise moment of weakness instead of recognizing I was having one of the aforementioned moments and taking charge and diffusing the situation."

Please allow the above to embed itself into your cerebal cortext, gentlemen; it is a rare moment of lucidity and clarity on the part of Women, for they are not often such when it comes to these matters, and this is NOT a dig or an insult; as we Gamesmen know and know well, Women often have great difficulty gaining a degree of objectivity about such things. But on occasion, the ladies speak clear truths in a straight and true way, that get right to the heart of matters of the heart - and when they do, they are pure gold. BKSweetheart's personal testimony isn't something any of us should treat lightly, and I deeply thank her for giving me the permission to include it here in today's lecture.

Are we learning yet, gents?

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian
15 comment(s).

Posted by Anonymous:

hey obie
on one hand i agree and i myself need to be checked sometimes on the other hand just like someone mentioned above we don't know all the inner workings of the people that we are dealing with... my father and only brother are natural alphas and i have witnessed them drive women crazy. don't get me wrong they are great guys, everyone likes them, fun to be around, take control dudes but their personalities tend to bring out the worst in some women. pots, pans, irons, batteries shoes etc DON'T always miss.
all that to say the not responding thing can go either way..
Saturday, April 30th 2011 @ 2:14 PM

Posted by CSPB:

It is complicated. That is why various aspects of Game come into play. Men and women interact and no one single piece of knowledge will address this for men. Men can learn and influence women because men are leaders and women respond positively to men that are leaders. This is also the same thing as dominance (philosophically opposite of domineering).

CALIBRATION is very important. In other aspects of life, we are educated for years. In human relations, we get little real education and virtually everything we are taught is wrong. It is wishful thinking (or a projection) of how things SHOULD work rather than how things ACTUALLY work. There is another tenant of Game: Never take the advice of women about relationships. And also don’t take the advice of men that have listened to what women say. Virtually all psychologists spout the tripe of PC Feminist consistent thought. The churches do this too. I fall back on the quote from Abp. Fulton Sheen: Do not pay attention to what people say, pay attention to WHY they say it. If a man does this, he can still connect with her, but won’t get sucked into the superficial. She is communicating much, but probably does not even know herself why she feels the way she does.

Reacting to the superficial without calibrating to the REAL message, is a recipe for disaster and the failure of the common approach is evident in the divorce, single parent and fatherless children statistics. Supposedly we are more advanced and educated, but better results are not evident.
Saturday, April 30th 2011 @ 3:28 PM

Posted by AquanautST:

@CSPB alls I can say to your comments is amen bro...

Frame + Calibration = Game
Saturday, April 30th 2011 @ 5:19 PM

Posted by dragnet:

Maintaining a strong frame is key---but it can be difficult for newbies to grasp because the notion of frame can be a bit abstract. I don't consider myself a teacher of Game (by any means) but I think the way to think about it initially is that you should keep your women reacting to you and not vice versa. It's a bit tactical (as opposed to strategic) but for those just starting out it's a good place to start.

I think it maybe a bit of stretch to tie a loss of frame/weak Game directly to IPV against men. There are probably other things that factor in as well. That said, there are lots of ways of establishing/maintaining your frame that aren't what we traditionally think of as Game techniques. One of those is just being larger and stronger than women. I'm 6'1, 200, and jacked--you might be surprised at the level of immediate deference that commands from people of both sexes. My advice to the newbies is to work on your body in addition to work on Game--especially for guys who don't have height. It should be part of process of making yourself a new man, in my view.
Saturday, April 30th 2011 @ 5:54 PM

Posted by BRAVE COLLAR:

Like attracts like. If crazy or abusive women are attracted into our energy field, there's a reason for that. Time to do some man in the mirror.

On another note, Obsidian, I read a comment about you posted by Jamila. I won't go into the details here but it has to do with your personal life. Is what she's saying true? If so, that changes my perspective of this blog greatly.
__
Sunday, May 1st 2011 @ 5:37 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@BlackCollar,
Yea, Jamila's tried to "go dirty" on me, which I've addressed over at Chuck Ross' blog; everybody can head on over there and check it out. NONE of it is true
Sunday, May 1st 2011 @ 2:42 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

Hmm, for some reason the Wifi's acting weird. Anyway, let me address Black Collar's earlier question again...

Yes, I am very familiar with (OJ)amila's attempts to go "dirty" on me over at Chuck Ross' blog, GLPiggy. I've addressed her lies, and that's what they are, LIES, exhaustively over there. Please note that she has tucked tail and ran when it came time to put her personal life under the microscope, LOL. You can tell a tree by the fruit that it bears.

O.
Sunday, May 1st 2011 @ 2:45 PM

Posted by Anonymous:

@Anonymous,
"my father and only brother are natural alphas and i have witnessed them drive women crazy. don't get me wrong they are great guys, everyone likes them, fun to be around, take control dudes but their personalities tend to bring out the worst in some women. pots, pans, irons, batteries shoes etc DON'T always miss."

O: LOL! Indeed, they don't. Great comments, thanks for stopping by!

O.
Monday, May 2nd 2011 @ 9:43 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

CSPB,
As always, you hit the nail on the head, and I thank you for the resources you offered in your very informative comment as well! You need to get with me on some guest posts, Man!

O.
Monday, May 2nd 2011 @ 9:45 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

@Dragnet,
"I think it maybe a bit of stretch to tie a loss of frame/weak Game directly to IPV against men. There are probably other things that factor in as well. That said, there are lots of ways of establishing/maintaining your frame that aren't what we traditionally think of as Game techniques. One of those is just being larger and stronger than women. I'm 6'1, 200, and jacked--you might be surprised at the level of immediate deference that commands from people of both sexes. My advice to the newbies is to work on your body in addition to work on Game--especially for guys who don't have height. It should be part of process of making yourself a new man, in my view."

O: Well, as always D, you bring much needed perspectives to our discussions (when you do up some guest posts?), and yes, what I am suggesting here is definitely outta the box thinking. But as it currently stands, and let's face it, Male victims of DV simply ain't gonna be taken seriously. Personally, I think it's because of our evolutionary hardwiring - but take your pick of reasons as to why things aren't likely to change much on this front, at least not anytime soon. Therefore, as far as I am concerned, the singlebest thing a Man can do is learn Game. It knocks out two birds with one stone - it protects himself in a myriad of ways, and it keeps his Woman (or Women, as the case may be) happy.

As for the size thing, while I definitely agree with the idea of a Man being fit and so forth, I have to quibble with you just a bit. As someone who's a bit shorter than you, and lighter in weight to boot, I can definitely tell you that Dominance is a matter of the Mind. I've not only been able to handle myself quite well against guys your size when it came down to it, I've always seen many a shorter Man make mincemeat of larger, more "ripped" guys. (Of course, personally, I much prefer to negotiate things peacefully) The singlemost important weapon any Man can have, is right between his ears.
Monday, May 2nd 2011 @ 9:55 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

So it is with the Seduction Sciences; the Man who has honed his Mind to learn and internalize the Venusian Arts can and will keep loving dominance over his lady, which is how she very much prefers it. In fact, a Man can get a good sense of his Game by judging how often there are spats in the relationship. Few to no spats suggests the Man's frame and overall Game is in pretty good shape, all other things being equal of course.

O.
Monday, May 2nd 2011 @ 9:55 AM

Posted by pops3284:

I think one thing that is left out in male victims of DV is not only not gaming the chick to n ot disrespect, but also not having the game to see the signs of a crazy violent women. I really think the most underrated part of game is the first chapter in the second section of the art of seduction, pick the right victim. Cats need to stop picking these women who are unstable and all in out crazy. Most women test your boundaries to see how far they cant push you, and frame can keep that from getting out of control, but some women are just batshit and you need to see the signs and not ignore those things.
Monday, May 2nd 2011 @ 3:34 PM

Posted by dragnet:

Points taken, Obsidian.

What I was saying was that every man owes it to himself to push the limits on how far he can go. How good can your Game get? How fit can you build youself up to be? How physically attractive can you become? Take the bull by the horns and find out, no matter how long it takes. I just don't understand why a man would push the limits on his mind---but not his body.

My message is that in their quest to fix their minds and right their psychology, that the men not forget about their bodies. And not for the women, but for their own sake. Not to just to get laid, but to insist that even in this modern time that you remain a fierce and vital physical specimen like your proud fathers before you.

The fact is that a tall, fit, attractive man with Game beats shorter, less fit and less attractive man with Game. I'm only saying that the guys here should improve across as many of those categories as possible---they owe it to themselves to taste the power that comes with that.

And make no mistake, this is about power to large extent---it certianly is for the womenfolk. This is about men being about to engage women and get laid on their terms, something only a sliver men of men throughout history have been able to manage. You owe it to yourself to seize every possible advantage, and you have no excuse for not doing so with all this knowledge is out their.

Don't sacrifice the body for the mind---they are one.
Tuesday, May 3rd 2011 @ 12:42 PM

Posted by Jimmy:

Yeah, about that. Quite agreeable! And this blog is awesome, not sure if it is still in use, but I will leave a comment, just in case!
___
International call | call Afghanistan | call Pakistan
Monday, September 26th 2011 @ 2:59 AM

Posted by Lampion Unik masJOJO:

nice
Wednesday, October 31st 2012 @ 6:14 PM