"The efficacy of your Game is directly proportionate to the strength of your Frame."
- Obsidian Maxim #11
NOTE: Now that the Moon is in fiesty Aries, I thought this would be a good time to go there. The following post originally appeared as a comment at Very Smart Brothas on Mon, Apr 25, 2011. It has been slightly modified from its original version. To see the original "cut", click here.
Hello Champ, Everyone,
I trust you all had a Happy Easter.
Before I register my thoughts on the matter, please share with me the following money quote, taken from the Men's and Father's Rights website glennsacks.com
"4 Feminist Myths about Domestic Violence By Glenn Sacks
Since October is "Domestic Violence Awareness Month", I'll mark the occasion by examining four of the most prevalent feminist myths about violence in families.
Myth #1: In violent heterosexual relationships, the aggressor is almost always the man, and the victim is almost always the woman.
Serious research on domestic violence overwhelmingly asserts that domestic assault is committed by both men and women and that, by using weapons and the element of surprise, women are abusing their male partners as often as vice versa. Only about 1/4 of violent heterosexual relationships fit the feminist "man/aggressor, woman/victim" model--about the same percentage as fit the "woman/aggressor, man/victim" model. Roughly half of all violent heterosexual relationships are mutually abusive, and domestic violence rates between men and women are comparable from small violence to serious violence, including murder.
The mutual nature of domestic violence has been attested to in voluminous research. For example, veteran domestic violence researchers Richard Gelles, Murray Straus, and Susan Steinmetz, who were once hailed by the women's movement for their pioneering work on violence against women, were initially surprised to find equal levels of male and female violence. Since then their studies have confirmed it repeatedly.
Cal State Long Beach professor Martin Fiebert compiled and summarized 117 different studies with over 72,000 respondents which found that women initiated domestic violence as often as or more often than men. Studies conducted by the Family Research Laboratory at the University of New Hampshire in 1975, 1985, and 1992 found that abuse rates were equal between husbands and wives and that abuse of wives by husbands is decreasing, while abuse of husbands by wives is increasing.
Studies by researchers R.I. McNeeley and Coramae Richey Mann show that
women are much more likely than men to use weapons and the element of
surprise. These weapons often include guns, knives, boiling water, bricks,
fireplace pokers and baseball bats."
There is also reputable data on IPV/DV wrt Lesbian couples
...but that's another issue for another day.
I think this most recent case of Woman-led domestic violence is a clear case in point for the fact that far too many people get it completely twisted as to what and who, an Alpha Male is. Many people mistakenly think that merely having lots of money and/or fame/social status is what does the trick. Uh-uh. Truth be told, some of the worst no backbone having Men around are the ones that typify the topic of this post.
Psychosexual dominance is a matter of the mind
- what is known in Game circles as your "frame"
. In fact, one of my Maxims (#11) is the following: The efficacy of your Game is directly proportionate to the strength of your Frame.
When a Man finds himself the victim of domestic violence at the hands of his Woman, he has been blown all out the frame
. His Game is in a shambles. His Woman literally, wears the pants.
- the practice, discipline and school of thought that "frame" emanates from, is the key factor here; and even many a Gamesman will lack the frame needed to be successful out there on the dating and mating market (oh, and by the way: just because you're married and/or in a LTR, does not
make you or your significant other/spouse exempt from the forces of the SMP; I'm jus' sayin'), which explains why they often run into what we in the community call "sticking points".
It is part of a Woman's nature to test a Man for congruence
, and this does not stop once comfortably settled into a routine like a marriage or an LTR. In the community, this is commonly known as a "shit test
". Fiestier Women will often try to pick fights with a Man, and if he caves in any way she can and will lose respect for him, and things go downhill from there.
We all recall the much-publicized private life of Rihanna
and Chris Brown
we mention the predations of one Ms. Mary J. Blige
???), and while I do not condone or endorse what he is alleged and convicted of doing
, I also am of the view that Rihanna was testing Brown to see what he was going to do
. He failed badly.
Your frame must be unshakable, impervious to your Woman's estrogen-fueled rollercoaster highs and lows. When she gets outta pocket, YOU MUST NOT RESPOND.
You are a Flintstone-sized boulder, the Monolith in 2001, a Ghanian Mahogany tree more than a thousand years old, your visage as unchanged and constant as the Lincoln Memorial. You must do what USMC Gunnery Seargent R. Lee Ermey
did in his bid to go from technical advisor to actually playing the part of famed Paris Island Drill Instructor Sgt. Hartmann for the immortal Vietnam War-era classic Full Metal Jacket
. Do you know what he did?
He rounded up all the other real-life Marines on the set and got them into formation, and then proceeded to give them an uninterrupted tirade of insults, not stopping, stuttering or repeating the same thing for fifteen minutes straight, all while being pelted with tennis balls, tomatos and oranges, and put this all on videotape. When Stanley Kubrick saw the resulting performance, Ermey won the role on the spot. THAT, my Brothas, is FRAME like a MFer.
Personally, I've been in a number of...shall we say, intense situations - and in every one, I did all I could not to lose the frame. I've had pots and pans thrown at me, and not moved or fliched (they didn't hit me). I've had Women attempt to goad me into fighting/slapping/etc her, and didn't respond - indeed, if I didn't act like she existed at all, I would allow only the slightest of Chesire Cat grins to curl the corner of my mouth in a show of Amused Mastery. I've had Women call me everything but a child of God and then some, hoping I would respond. When I didn't, they all flew into even more of a tizzy.
Of course, when the time came to handle business, they were, shall we say, quite aroused. Niagra Falls comes to mind as a fitting image. And then the appropriate spankings
were administered for her getting outta pocket. Ahem.
A Man who is as emotionally volatile as his Woman is a Man that Women does not want, is not in love with, does not respect, and certainly does not lust for
. She has no reason to - after all, you are only her with a Male chromosome. Never argue with them - that is a massive DLV
. Instead, show her who has the strongest frame.
She will love - and lust - you for it.
*Later on in the discussion, frequent VSB commenter "BKSweetheart
" says the following
, in the midst of a brief exchange between us*:
"I have no issue with anything you said in your comment, if thats indeed the truth.
Referencing my own relationship, I am often disappointed at my SO for getting into it with me over stupid stuff. Even though I may have started the argument or gotten a little overly emotional about some small thing – sometimes I want him to be the one to rise above and be the voice of reason (i know its not always possible in every situation, but at least try). Usually that’s not the case, however.
I guess in my mind, I want him to be better than me.. He is 9 years my senior after all. But I guess he feels that by principle he can’t “allow” me to talk to him a certain way and get away with it (i guess????) so he has to verbally engage with me to “check” me (emulating what he feels is the “alpha” thing to do)… but really ends up having the opposite effect because after its all said and done, I’m actually more disappointed in him for engaging with me when I was having an immature/PMS moment or otherwise moment of weakness instead of recognizing I was having one of the aforementioned moments and taking charge and diffusing the situation."
Please allow the above to embed itself into your cerebal cortext, gentlemen; it is a rare moment of lucidity and clarity on the part of Women, for they are not often such when it comes to these matters, and this is NOT a dig or an insult; as we Gamesmen know and know well, Women often have great difficulty gaining a degree of objectivity about such things. But on occasion, the ladies speak clear truths in a straight and true way, that get right to the heart of matters of the heart - and when they do, they are pure gold. BKSweetheart's personal testimony isn't something any of us should treat lightly, and I deeply thank her for giving me the permission to include it here in today's lecture.
Are we learning yet, gents?
Now adjourn your asses...