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Thursday, March 10th 2011

8:03 AM

Mastering The Art Of The Bold Move

"A moment has arrived: your victim clearly desires you, but is not ready to admit it openly, let alone act on it. This is the time to throw aside chivalry, kindness and coquetry and  to overwehlm with a bold move. Don't give in the victim time to consider the consequences; create conflict, stir up tension, so that the bold move comes as a great release. Showing hesitation or awkwardness means you are thinking of yourself, as opposed to being overwhelmed by the victim's charms. Never hold back or meet the target halfway, under the belief that you are being correct and considerate; you must be seductive now, not political. One person must go on the offensive, and it is you."

- Robert Greene, The Art of Seduction, pp. 405

The above passage came instantly to mind as I read frequent and much welcome commenter CSPB's field report in the comments of the other day's post (who's most insight observations I consider to be so valuable, that I think of him as a Virtual Wingman as we take this journey through Game). I repost his FR in full here, with additional commentary by me afterward:

"An FR of failed DHV

2 years ago while on a flight into Houston, I sat next to a Latina.  She was cute, a few extra pounds, probably a 5 or 6.  She was flirty and fairly intelligent.  Divorced with one or two kids.  About 33yo (12 years younger than me).  We had a fun conversation and some mild banter.  I got her phone number.   I was working in Houston and so called her and we chatted a few times and set up a date.  It was for about 2 weeks after I had met her.  I chose the place.  A nice family restaurant that had great food but was not pricey.  We set the time for 5:00.  It was going to be short since I had a martial arts class later that evening. 

She called and was running late but I was already at the restaurant.  I was waiting on her.  She called against and was running a little later.  I waited.  She finally got there about an hour late.  We talked flirted.  We were getting along great.  Then I was having so much fun that I decided to blow off my class.  OK.  I don't remember if I paid for her meal, but it was not over $10 and we split the costs for the rest of the night.

She knew of a bar close by so she left her car and I drove us there and we were flirting the whole evening with plenty of sex talk, including her telling me how she liked to be spanked and liked dominant men.  No kiss yet, but I coulda and she knew it.  She was fun and we seemed to hit it off and I thought it was going very good.  It was probably a bit after 10:00 and we both had things the next day.  There was no intention for anything more that night.  So I drove her back to her car.  While in my car we got more physical.  I was teasing her and refused to kiss her.  It was playful and she wanted it but I was denying her.  (Remember her desire for dominance and she had a bit of a BDSM fetish too).  I had my hand grabbing her hair firmly but not hard teasing her with our lips an inch apart.  She loved it and her tingles were strong.  I teased the shit out of her and did a bit of groping too.  She was into it.

So anyway, we parted.  I called her later, but she was aloof and we never got together again.  She was quite distant when I finally talked with her.  I did not obsess or go crazy with calling or texting. 

Here is where I went wrong.  It is all DLV rather than DHV.  I waited on her….DUMB.  I cancelled my previous plans…..DUMB.  I revealed too many things about my life which killed the mystery.  I wanted her more than she wanted me…..DLV   That was enough to kill her tingles once she got home.

Feel free to post your commentary.  I learn more from my failures than my successes."

Indeed we do, and it is for this reason that FRs are so very important, because it gives our fellow Wingmen an opportunity to assist us in where we going wrong, so that we might correct it in the future. So, here is what I think CSPB went wrong...

...he failed to make the Bold Move.

Simple. As. That.

Think about it - he actually did everything else RIGHT - he approached and opened in "Day Game Mode", generated interest, then attraction; got the number close, moved things along to Day Two - which was impressive, given that there was nearly a two week lag in between First Contact and First Date - and was able to keep the attraction going despite multiple setbacks (her being late, etc.). In my view, all went well, including the fact that he was able to build mucho comfort with his Latina target - remember, she confided in him that she had a preference for dominant Men, liked to be spanked, etc.

He escalated, phase shifting from small talk to sex talk, then switched venues, spent enough time with her to get her ready to have sex and finally escalated in the car, working in plenty of strong Kino - and then - at the moment of truth - he stopped.

He got her buying temperature really high, and then didn't move in for the kill. In her mind, he choked.

Fellas, nothing is worse, for a Woman, then to be taken all the way up to the water's edge, and then be left hanging off a cliff. We always have to remember, that sex for Women is a completely different affair than it is for Men - and keep in mind also, that we're not even including the D/s aspect of things here, which adds another layer for us to consider. Very few Women are as aware of themselves along these lines as CSPB's target; as we know well, most Women have no idea what they want or crave sexually, and studies have been done to confirm this. So when a Woman does discover her true sexual nature, and has come to accept that part of herself, that in itself is a rare treat. It is not to be taken lightly.

Moreover, for Women like CSPB's target, who have strong kinky desires and are looking for a Dominant Male with which to satiate them, the search can be long and hard, pardon the pun. In truth, because of our cultural phobias about sex even in our time, to say nothing of Kink, many people misunderstand what it is all about. Here is where the Gamesman knows better, having studied not only human sexuality in detail, but also that of all other of God's creations as well, knowing their mating rituals and so forth. For Humanity is also an animal, and we too have our mating nature and ways.

CSPB's target felt deep security in being with him; usually, Women with desires such as hers often have deep trust and security issues, much more pronounced than the average female - and so when you come accross such a Woman, you have to decide, well before things have gotten past the point of no return, if you're in, or out. The simple truth is that quite a few guys don't desire the kinds of sexual relationship Women like CSPB's target prefer, and that is perfectly OK. But if you're going to escalate with such a Woman, you must be prepared to go all the way, without any hint of hesitation - remember, Women are incredibly intuitive creatures. They can sense the hesitation in you if you falter for one moment. You action must be swift, decisive and sure. Women love a Man who takes control - especially kinky Women like CSPB's target.

CSPB's problem was that he was not living in the moment - he was somewhere else. Thinking about his schedule the next day, calling himself being a "nice guy" about hers, and so forth. Dude, she came there with the intention of you thoroughly ravishing her - why disappoint? Why let her down?

For us Men, we always know how sex is going to end, ultimately - we're going to bust a nut. Unless serious events conspire to the contrary, this is true. For Women however, sex is literally a crapshoot - and more often than not, they hit snake eyes. This is because, for all of their great sensitivity and intuition, there is never any surefire way to know if a Man's gonna be good sexually, until it actually happens. Meanwhile, said Woman is risking everything - from potentially being raped and killed, to pregnancy, and more. If it's one thing all Women know, and know well, it is that a good Woodsman, is hard to find.

So when CSPB pulled up short, THIS was the massive DLV that killed everything else. His failure to make the Bold Move when the time came, is what did him in. His hesitation, filled his target with doubt - not just about him, but about herself, which explained the pullback he sensed in her when he tried to recover a bit later. By that time, she had buyer's remorse, and it was too late; the window had passed. The entire point of a seduction is to bring your target to that moment of truth, and when that time comes you had best be ready, to take control and to take your target, forcefully. Remember my brothers - it is ALWAYS better, to make the Bold Move, than to NOT make it - "if you think could have, then you could have, and you should have."

Thanks, CSPB, for letting us all learn from your experience.

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian

16 comment(s).

Posted by Samson:

Lol.
Thursday, March 24th 2011 @ 4:10 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

BC,
Nah, just figures of speech, Man. Lighten up.

O.
Tuesday, March 22nd 2011 @ 7:03 AM

Posted by BLACK COLLAR:

"your victim clearly desires you" and "his fatal flaw was in his unwillingness to swoop in for the kill"

Victim??? Swooping in for a "kill"???

What the.....?

Y'all make it sound like women and men are enemies.
Monday, March 21st 2011 @ 7:57 PM

Posted by CSPB:

@MaMu1977

Your analysis sounds on target. I know more now than I knew then and your commentary is appreciated. There are a lot of dynamics to learn from the DS/TiH world that vanillas can apply. A lot of vanillas are not as plain as they pretend and have repressed desires that are waiting to be unleashed.
Thursday, March 17th 2011 @ 4:56 PM

Posted by MaMu1977:

As someone who has an *ahem* affinity for capital "D" domination, I can say without shame or contemplation that his fatal flaw was in his unwillingness to swoop in for the kill. She wasn't some barely legal teenager or a career woman who let her submissive tendencies slip out in conversation, she was a mature woman who made her desires clear over the course of the evening that she *wants@* a man who will *spank her and put her in *her place*! When he did everything but seal his level of dominance in her mind (by not kissing her despite the fact that she willingly gave herself over to him through allowing him to control her head), he pit himself in the "poser" category by default. Submissive women are the AFCs of "the lifestyle", literally (as there are no end to their tales of meeting men who "Dom-tease", either by giving up/going back to being vanilla or by not being "Dom enough")

By not doing what even a staunchly vanilla man would do in that situation (namely, pulling a willing woman into a kiss), you took yourself out of contention before the game even started. It wasn't just a case of "He's not dominant enough", it was a case of "He's just another clit-tease, so why bother?" You'd have been better off by sending her home and treating her like "just another girl" than pressing your advantage. At least, in the first scenario, you would have proven a higher set of value/ dominance. Instead, you became the male equivalent of the girl who comes over in the middle of the night to cuddle
Wednesday, March 16th 2011 @ 7:05 PM

Posted by Samson:

@paigeu

I agree. He definitely set a tone that dictated moving fast, so to let off the gas when it was time to "close the deal" probably left her confused. I wish I could have seen her face when she realized the night is over. If there's sex talk going on that early, she knew in her mind where it could head. Hey, you live and learn I guess. A bold move definitely would have taken it from flirting to "business time."
Monday, March 14th 2011 @ 4:26 PM

Posted by paigeu:

@cspb

You're a brave soul to be so honest.
FWIW the story got me a little tingly. Have you ever considered writing erotica? :)
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 11:03 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

Hi Nicole!
Thanks so much for stopping by and for the insightful comments, as always. And don't forget to hit me up via email, I wanted to chat with ya.

Don't be a stranger arouind here, OK? Contrary to what you may think, some of us guys actually value the experience of a Woman who done been there, and done that.

O.
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 9:18 PM

Posted by Nicole:

I think a bold move would have been very reassuring. His behavior said he was curious but not really interested. At her age and with two kids and a divorce under her belt, it's really easy to make her feel insecure. She's not a virgin, and is familiar with what (hopefully) stands behind the codpiece. The teasing should have led ultimately to at least a kiss and/or some advanced groping. I'll put it this way. A Latin guy would have at least gotten a handjob out of this situation, maybe more.

It's a problem with cross cultural dating that sometimes guys miss cues...but if it makes you feel better, I can say from hard-way experience that women do too.

So don't feel bad. Just next time, understand that for the browner folks, a woman who doesn't intend to get some, doesn't tease. If we're teasing to the point that it's physical, it's because we want to do it. Be careful of the feminists, but otherwise, we don't generally start things we don't want to finish.

Just also understand that we (and our men) usually don't throw people away just because we've had sex with them unless something is wrong with them. Love is kind of like a disease that hits you, and part of the expression of this is sexual. It's how most of our parents started their relationships.

So if you're a White guy who's just in it for the sex, hire a prostitute. You'll save yourself either some drama or the guilt of unintentionally breaking someone's heart who's in a culture where we still have them.
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 7:04 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

CSPB,
Thank you for allowing me to share your experiences with our readers who are on the path! And looking forward to your email. Thanks again!

O.
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 3:00 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

Hi Paigeu,
Replies below:

P: Sounds to me like the Latina wanted a casual hook-up and CSPB wanted a friends with benefits situation. If he was looking for an LTR he would have paid for the date and not moved so fast physically. If he was looking for a hook-up he would have moved faster. He gave mixed signals that spooked her.

O: Nah. It isn't the STR vs. LTR thing here; they could have worked that out either way after the deed was done. The issue here is that CSPB didn't pull the trigger when the time came. End of.

O.
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 2:58 PM

Posted by Anonymous:

OK- if you want to continue, lets do it here. I feel weird with the continued hijacking.
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 1:43 PM

Posted by CSPB:

I have been thinking on this and have gained some great insights into myself. I won’t reveal it in a comment here. It is too significant and noteworthy so I’ll email an entire post to O and let him turn it into a complete article. It is going to be good and very important for the Game newbies to consider.

As an aside, I thought about how men and women handle FRs. (women don’t call them that). Men provide critique and advice. Sometimes it is blunt, brutal and direct. Men are not afraid of saying “WTF buddy, pull your head out of your ass. No wonder she dumped your lame ass. What were you thinking? You wussed out!”

Women on the other hand will empathize and say “Oh, I’m so sorry. It wasn’t you, it was him. Next time it will work out better. A man should love you just for who you are because you are so great and he was an idiot not to see that. The right guy is still out there for you and I just KNOW you are going to find him.”

Can I cry on your shoulder now O? LOL
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 12:37 PM

Posted by paigeu:

Sounds to me like the Latina wanted a casual hook-up and CSPB wanted a friends with benefits situation. If he was looking for an LTR he would have paid for the date and not moved so fast physically. If he was looking for a hook-up he would have moved faster. He gave mixed signals that spooked her.
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 11:44 AM

Posted by dream puppy:

nevermind my question on susan's site- found your blog :D

brave journal?

Editor: Yup; that's the name, don't wear it out. ;) O.
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 11:18 AM

Posted by CSPB:

Thanks for the commentary. I will come back later today and ponder it and post another comment.
Thursday, March 10th 2011 @ 8:38 AM