"And the Obsidian wants to paint it all black...as he is justified."
"There are two types of experiences you can learn from; yours, and that of others".
Good morning Gentlemen,
Once again, I want to thank everyone for their on and offline comments, suggestions, insults and death threats in response to this little impromptu series of posts of mine wherein which I discuss the inner workings of Game, seduction, sex and relationships as best I understand all of them. I want to especially thank frequent O-Files commenter CSPB as well, as he contributes mightily to the discussion in very fruitful and impactful ways, and has really helped me hone my thoughts on a very important topic that I hope to be addressing soon.
For now though, I thought to write a bit more about the importance of Field Reports. As you already know, they are indispensable tools of Game "tradecraft" that not only help the writer but more importantly, all those who read them. Therefore, there should be a few simple yet powerful rules governing how they are to be done and today's post is going to discuss that a bit.
In my personal view, there are two ways FRs can be done - directly or indirectly. The first way is when the writer is giving a personal accounting of what he has actually done himself in-field; the other is when the writer is reporting on aspects of Game (or the lack thereof) of others in-field. Which is better, you may ask? I say both are great, for a variety of reasons. For one thing, direct FRs are excellent in that it helps you in self-assessing where you are in the seduction process, although on the other hand it is kinda tough to be completely objective about yourself. On the other hand, its much easier to be objective with others, especially people you don't know and in all likelihood won't see again. Besides, people-watching is an excellent way to see Game come alive, either in terms of the guy in question having it, or not having it, and you can learn in a big way from all of that.
Thus far, I've given two "indirect" FRs - the one about an NBA All-Star Weekend, and another where I witnessed a number of things at two events I attended in NYC last year. Today I am going to give yet another "indirect" FR, based on the past weekend's events while out and about with Ms. Brown Sugah...
We were invited to attend an artistic and musical gathering and decided to grab a bite to eat before going to the event. It was located in a section of town that is right in between two of Philly's better known universities, so you can get a sense of what kind of crowd would be at both the event and at the place where we got something to eat. The crowd at the latter was much more diverse, and gave a bit more "flavor" in terms of what I saw, although both instances of social interaction was greatly helpful.
For one thing, I noticed a lot of guys with really bad skin - and here I'm not talking about a bad shaving day, or the occasional zit or something - I am talking about the kind of stuff you see in those Proactive informercial ads. It just didn't make sense, and I saw this among the White guys a bit more than the Brothas I saw. I get that this is largely a college crowd, but whew, there is something that can be done about that. The great thing in our time is that now there are entire lines of Men's grooming products - and yup, there is a kinf of "male Proactive" that I saw recently, too. There's a lot that can be done on this front, and just don't see why more guys don't do what they can to get themselves together.
OK, on to the next thing I saw - most guys simply have either no interest in, awareness of, or desire to learn, about body language AT ALL. I lost count as to the number of couples, or perhaps it might be best to say, putative couples, where the Woman is giving off all kinds of signals that scream "the guy I'm with is LAME" and the guy doesn't even have a freaking clue as to what is going on. One Brotha I saw, who reminded us of Andre 3000 in his look and appearance (which under normal circumstances would work in his favor, and here let it be known far and wide - Peacocking in itself, doesn't Game make; it is the degree and depth of your knowledge of Feminine Psychology and your ability in dealing with it successfully, that makes the difference in the end), took his gal (a Sista) to where we were, got himself something to eat, and then sat next to her; she then turned her back to him, and they remained like that for the duration of their visit, she talking to him over her shoulder. I mean really, need I say more here?
Fellas, dig this - you can always tell if a Woman is digging on you or not, and its all in the body language. While its true that Women talk a lot more than do Men on average, they also "talk" a lot through their body as well, and while much of it can be very subtle, there are many, many times where it isn't and yet guys still don't seem to pick up on what's going on. Women who won't face you - meaning, their boobies and their face are in the same direction - usually means they're not interested for some reason or other. The only time you want to be talking to a Woman who's back is to you, is when you're hittin' it from the back, you see what I'm saying? Watch how Women interact with each other, which shouldn't be hard to do since they almost always travel in groups anyway - notice how when one of them joins or departs how the other Women act. Do they speak over their shoulders - or do they face who it is they're talking to?
At any rate we speculated that, since the gal had a shopping bag or two, that Mr. Knockoff Andre 3000 probably accompanied his lady for an outing and the ends ran low, and instead of taking that into account before heading out, did his thing instead, and decided that he was gonna get himself something to eat. Now there is a lot to be said in our times about the death of chivalry and the rest of it, and I intend to address this more in due course, but what I will say right now is that it is just plain rude to go somewhere, grab up a grub while you're with a gal and not offer her anything - and dude didn't offer anything, we saw the whole thing go down - it's just flatout wrong, and girlfriend's body language showed it. All of this showed very poor date/event planning on dude's part, to say the least.
We then saw two Asian sparewheel couples that came in; I call them than because the third person was an Asian male, tagging along behind a White Man/Asian Woman couple. By now we all are aware of the fact that such couples are among if not the highest IR couplings out there, and are often the go-to option for more nerdier/geeky White guys (in other words, guys with minimal to no Game whatsoever; not that there's anything wrong with that), in addition for the thing many White guys have for Asian gals, and to be fair, the feeling's mutual on the Asian gals' side. It's long been speculated that one doesn't need as much Game to woo such gals, and this seems to tally with my own experience.
Still, I felt sorry for the Asian guys who were tagging along; I mean what is there to be gained in being a third wheel? Also, it's been documented a number of times that the biggest sufferers out there in the sexual marketplace are Asian males, for a host of reasons, chief among them being that they face real mate shortages due to "their" Women dating/mating "out", and because of stubborn stereotyping about Asian males insofar as been seen as romantic choices among White and other types of non-Asian Women. With the possible exception of East Indian/Pakistani guys who are now something of a staple of the American college scene, in my opinion the single biggest group of guys who NEED Game in a big way, are Asian guys. You rarely see them with non-Asian Women; they are either with another Asian Woman, they are alone, or they're the third wheel with a couple that features an Asian Woman and a White Man. Which has got to be on some levels at least, soul-crushing.
This brings up the very important principle of knowing when to eject. Lots of guys stay "in-set" waaay too long. It's always better to gracefully bow out of a set than to get blown out of one, or to desperately hang on in one, especially when you sense that things aren't going well. Being a third wheel, for either sex, but especially if you're a guy, just ain't cool; much, much better to be alone than to be that. There are a few Asian guys in the community who have made a name for themselves, and from what I've read about them they seem to be pretty good, though I haven't interacted with them personally. At any rate, if you're an Asian guy and you're reading this, please know that you have my deepest empathy and support - and please, whatever you do, stop being a third wheel, Man. It's really undignified.
Next we saw a kind of "double date" of two loosely-put together "couples" of uni students of either East Indian or Pakistani background - and the Women were leading the way, all day, everyday. I know a bit about Indian culture and folkways, and the Women definitely do kinda rule the roost culturally, so I wasn't surprised to see this - the Women seemed to be directing the conversation from start to finish (they led the way to the seats), and the Men seemed to be out to lunch. One of the Women would keep checking her cellphone, which is always a tell of a massive fail on the guy's part, because he didn't do enough to get and keep her interest. And of course, one of them had on the obligatory sandals, even though it was 30-something degrees outside. Fellas, get with Matador, or The Fifth Horseman, they'll set you straight.
OK, so the time comes to finally head over to the event. On the way over, we spot a White couple where the guy is making facial expressions and movements that suggest that he has Tourettes' or something, and I've noticed this a lot, too - fellas, take some time to observe yourself in the mirror. Sudden, jerky moves, or quirky looking facial expressions and the like, can be seriously, yet subconsciously, off-putting to Women, especially if you're just getting off the ground with her. I mean, which would you rather be - Woody Allen, or Denzel Washington? Come on. Learn to take your time when you speak, when you walk, and you move. Women are naturally more nervous than are Men; it doesn't take a lot to startle them. Remember, you want to build comfort, not tear it down. The more comfortable a Woman is to be around you, the more likely it is for you to get what you want from her, be that a ONS, or a marriage or anything in between.
Anyway, we get to the event which is a few blocks down from where we were eating. TRL and Athlone would have loved this event, at least in theory anyway, because it was right up their alley - all of the Women in attendance were either college students or grads, quite a few more than likely Ivy Leaguers. It was like something out of Love Jones, if you're familiar with that flick, although admittedly there weren't any Nia Longs that I saw. Still, there was a little somethin' for everybody, if your shot is Sistas in general - tall, short, older, younger, darkskinned, lightskinned, really thin and really thick, relaxed hair/natural hair/no hair (there were quite a few ladies who had shaved their heads completely - I guess that look is making a comeback), gals wearing dresses/skirts and gals wearing jeans and Chucks, you name it. The venue wasn't huge, but had a nice size; I estimated under 100 people altogether, which meant it was perfect for certain types of Game to really work there. Oh, and let me also mention that the Women to Men ratio was really good - at least two to one. Women always go to these events with the hope of meeting somebody they like, and often come away a bit disappointed. Can't do much about the numbers imbalance, but the fact that so many guys that do attend these events are either already booed up, or have virtually zero Game, means that such settings are a goldmine for the Brotha (or for that matter, White/Hispanic guy) who has moderate social and seduction skills. Events like these are vastly different from the club scene, where one's Game has to be of a different sort and kind (recall last week's discussion on Tony Manero). I found many of the ladies to be very easy to talk to as well. Even if you're not looking to pickup chicks, events like these are good to practice elements and aspects of your Game.
At the end of the event, one of the performers stopped by to chat with Ms. Brown Sugah, and they did the usual thing that Women do, which is to go back and forth about their difficulties in one way or another; the lady performer started rolling out a laundry list of her schedule dates, and how she had to do so much traveling, and how much time she had donated to be there that night and so forth. After listening to them talk for about ten minutes, I simply looked the lady in the eye and said "I donated my liver to be at this event", which completely stopped her dead in her tracks - she was stunned for a moment, then begin to laugh when she saw me smirk, LOL. I had on what Ms. Brown Sugah calls my "poker face" and at which point she introduced me to the lady performer, who reached to shake my hand. My followup statement, again with a poker face, was "you don't look like Jill Scott" (on stage, she had made it a point to mention that people would try to say that she resembled the singer) - "though when covering her tunes, you remind me of her", which got her chirping all over again. Another guy, a classic orbiter type in a get up that reminded me of a county lockup carrotsuit, tried to piggyback on my statement by adding some supplicating drivel about her sounding "soulful" and the rest of it, to which I briefly gave him the annoyed Mr. Spock side eye and kept talking; after a few more minutes, we decided it was time to head on home.
It's always so good to be in social experiment mode.
OK, a few rules/tips/pointers about doing up FRs:
1. Please don't kiss and tell (too much): one of the first rules of The Game is that gents never kiss and tell. Giving up all the gory details of your night with that Dime may make for titilating reading, but it's really not necessary. Besides, in the world in which we live, it ain't that hard to find out who's who, and then what? All that's necessary is the most bare minimum of details, the who, what, when, where and why. No real names or places, please - and let's keep it respectful.
2. Be honest: if you're basically doing a Jayson Blair/Stephen Glass/Scott Templeton, you're actually defeating the purpose of giving an FR. And if that's the case, who's gonna believe you in the future when something goes down that actually happened?
3. Try to focus on both your strengths and your "sticking points": you don't have to do them in the same FR, in fact it might be better to break them up into seperate FRs, one focusing on the former, the other on the latter, so so forth. The idea is that you want to be able to give your fellow community members some insight on what you found helpful, as well as to seek their advice on that which you feel you may need some help on.
4. Learn to become a People Watcher: When doing indirect FRs, train your eye to see the around you in Game terms, focusing specifically on what Men and Women do when they are together. Pay particular attention to the body language signalling and the like that goes on between the two. Then, learn to watch movements of larger groups of people; get a sense of the field of play in differing venues, the types of Women there, etc, et al. All of this is crucial in upping your own Game by learning from others.
Now adjourn your asses...