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Sunday, February 27th 2011

11:03 AM

Group Theory, The Three Second Rule, & Proximity Alert System: Fundaments Of Solid Game

"Do you think I could have kissed her?

If you think you could have, then you could have."

- Mystery responding to Style, The Game, pp. 29

Yesterday's post, which was a modified "field report" of the typical NBA All-Star Weekend, elicited more responses than I had anticipated, particularly by Women; I had intended to write about another topic entirely today, but given that so many Women responded so strongly to said post, and because I can clearly see that our young heroes, The Realist Leo and Athlone McGinnis, are in dire need of understanding very basic principles (to say nothing of learning the first level, form or style of Game), I thought to follow-up on yesterday's post with another kind of field report, this time focusing on the comments of three ladies in particular:

"I have no idea what to say about this. I just find it amazing that some women are willing to put this much in to chase male attention."

- Chic Noir

"I can relate to what Alte is saying. I'm not saying I'm the finest thing walking the planet but I catch a lot of guys staring but will break eye contact . Think it's weird, theyve already been caught looking no need to act coy now, lol."

- Y
 
"And here are some more things that drove me crazy:

1) It's hard to catch a man's eye because when you look in their direction they all look away and act embarrassed. Hello... we can tell you're staring. Looking away is creepy and stalkerish. No man catches our eye, so just doing that already puts you ahead of the game."

- Alte

First, notice how Y and Alte - two Women who don't know each other in real life - have experienced the exact same thing: they're in a social gathering, they get eyes from a guy or number of guys, and as soon as they make direct eye contact, the guy(s) break contact. This is a serious DLV on the part of said guys, because the very act of breaking eye contact with a Woman out in the field shows that they ain't Man enough to step up front. Moreover, both of what these ladies have reported is why we have what is known as the Three Second Rule - which states, that you MUST "open" a Woman within three seconds of making eye contact with her. Why? Well, you heard it for yourself - because if you don't she will begin to think of you as weird, then as a creep, then the panties dry up, then you go home to work it out with the hand - yours. One of the telltale signs that a Woman IS interested in you, is if she looks at you and locks the gaze. If you find yourself in such a situation, by all means go and step to her. If you don't you can for all intents, forget about it - you've blown your chance.

So, the TSR is extremely important, and it is for this reason that you should either have some pre-prepared openers on hand to roll with, or, if you're like me and highly improvistional, be ready to roll with whatever comes to mind. But the most important thing is to say something. I can't tell you how many guys lose out bigtime because of this one little simple thing. I've seen it action over and over again - which leads me to the first quote above, which is from Chic Noir. Let's repeat it again, with my commentary following thereafter:

"I have no idea what to say about this. I just find it amazing that some women are willing to put this much in to chase male attention."

Why this would come as any shock or surprise to Chic strikes me as extremely odd, given that she is in a city where people go for the express purpose of hoping to find somebody, especially Women. NYC is an international city, with people from just about every nation on Earth living there-and it is documented haven of Single Ladies. So much so, that there are roughly a quarter million or so MORE single Women of marriageable and childebearing age - say, 18 to 49 - than there are single Men of the same age. And if we narrow the focus even more to highlight the Big Apple's Black communities, that ratio goes up even more. Simply put, if you're a guy and can't score in NYC, you need to do a dance off the Varanzano bridge, because you have fundamentally failed as a human being. This may sound odd, but the truth is, as I've shown with the NBA thing, that Women, especially Black Women, are desperate for Men. They will do all kinds of stuff to put it out there that this is true - and the guys don't even have a freakin' clue. This is why I and others in the know, estimate that those who have Game, to varying degrees, natural or acquired, is at best, 20% of all Men anywhere you go - and again, that's a best case scenario. Based on what I've seen in Chic's hometown over the past few years, last year especially, I would estimate that the number of Lame Chumps there is about 95%. If not more.

Why do I say that?

Two reasons.

Last year Ms. Brown Sugah and I attended a number of free or lowcost events in the city; in NYC, there are tons of things to do, many of them for FREE, especially in the Summertime. We're both big music fans, and there was a number of artists and the like that she wanted to see, so I was of course down to go check em out.

One of the events we attended was an Eric Roberson show, which took place at a hip nitespot in Soho. First of all, lemme tell ya - if you're a guy like TRL or Athlone - highly educated, intelligent and so forth - you NEED to hang out in events and venues like this in the next installment of our ongoing series, "Discourses Upon The Game" I'm gonna talk about that. Do some research on the goings on in your town because chances are high that there is a NeoSoul community type thing happening, which are magnets for the types of Sistas that would dig guys like you. I know, I've been there and done that. And this particular show was no different.

The place was PACKED, and the ratio of Sistas to Brothas was easily two to one, if not three to one. Easily. And among the Brothas that were there, at least of quarter of us were already Boo'ed up - so that left a veritable Bonanza of Booty on the plate - yet, the single Brothas that were there in the round, you know what they were doing? They were all clustered around the door, as if they were guards and bouncers. It got so bad that even "Erro" himself, between songs, tried to get something going, by exhorting the Brothas to step to the Sistas, because ain't much sense for him to be singing about romance and love and so forth, if it ain't much happening there that night. But to no avail, the WBAFCs won out that-it was the Night of the Living Lameheads, for real. Some of you may remember my blogging about this last year at the original O-Files, and I'm bringing it back up in light of Chic's comments above; Women go to events like these in the hopes of meeting Men. Yea, yea, they like the music and whatnot too, no doubt; but they go in the hopes of meeting Men. But ended up happening that night was the Sistas got tired and frustrated by the Brothas being so very lame, and instead sang loudly along with the music, got pissy drunk, and then stuffed their faces with Micky D's after the let out. I wasn't thinking, but I shoulda snapped that pic of the four Sistas sitting in the Micky D's after the show ended with my smartphone, all alone, table full of Big Mac boxes, fries, and sodas. The looks of dejection on their faces was palpable. It was an iconic shot - and by the looks of things, I'll have many more opportunities to snap away in the future. (By the way, if you want to be a Chick Magnet for real, become a photographer. Seriously. Women LOVE being photographed) Ms. Brown Sugah noticed the same thing; we got our Chinese takeout, headed for home and faded to black.

A few weeks later we attended another major event - a FREE concert in NYC's famed Central Park. The headliner? Raphael Siddiq. He's another NeoSoul type, with street cred among the more conscious/underground Hip Hop community with his work with the legendary A Tribe Called Quest, so again, you know the Incense Crowd is gonna be out in full force. We got there about three hours early and I'm glad we did, because the line must've been about half a mile long by the time they opened the gate.

Fellas, lemme tell ya, the place was packed with Sistas and Latinas from every borough and parts of northern NJ, you hear me? And given that the sun was giving errbody a serious beatdown, said Sistas and Latinas were in various states of undress, too. Women abounded, giving all kinds of signs and signals that they were open to being approached - and once again, the Brothas, as a group, choked. As Siddiq's live medley of previous hits got to the classic "It Never Rains In Southern California" I couldn't help but do a mental facepalm - a clump of Sistas right in front of me and to either side were swaying back and forth, singing along with feeling, while the guys just stood there at attention, as if on line for inspection by the DI or something. It got so bad that I actually got hit on several times - one Sista, wearing one of those kinda opaque sundresses that if you're not careful, can give everyone a look into the Inner You, sit directly in front of me, alternating between booty shots of thong through the dress, and sitting directly in front of me giving me crotch shots (this same Sista then offered to buy Ms. Brown Sugah something to drink - please do not doubt the power of Preselection). I got serious eyes from at least a half dozen Sistas in my immediate vicinity, in part because I was with a good looking Sista to begin with, but also because I was probably the only Brotha within earshot that was actually talking to errbody - the other Brothas acted like Helen Keller. I chatted up a few, along with some Brothas, just to make conversation, and I could feel what was going on. I kept it light and brief, and as I took a 360 degree panoramic view of the venue - again in NYC's Central Park, mind you - I saw the same thing. Sistas (with the occasional Latina or White gal thrown in) dancing amongst themselves, getting shitfaced drunk, while the Brothas were off in a parallel universe. The whole scene reminded me of that Run-DMC/Aerosmith video, you know, where they're seperated by the wall?

For shame.

Sistas were practically BEGGING Brothas to step to them, and absolutely nothing happened. I saw no interaction, no chatting up, nothing. One seriously big-bootied Sista was shaking it something fierce on the front row (she'd been hitting the sauce for at least an hour if not more with her girlfriends, one of them White and tatted up), and the Brothas formed a makeshift semi-circle around her, BUT NO ONE APPROACHED. They just stood there, mouth agape. Whew.

Fellas, Women go to events like these with the hope of meeting Men. Please do not disappoint. If a Woman locks gazes with you, you have roughly three seconds to make an approach. If a Woman is dancing, gyrating, or giving you booty/crotch shots within say, five feet of you, SAY SOMETHING.

I swear to God, NYC has got to be thee easiest place on the planet to pickup chicks. It's like shooting fish in a barrell.

No wonder that show Sex and The City was such a big hit.

So, let's review:

1. Learn Group Theory: Women rarely attend social gatherings/events alone; at the very least they travel in pairs. This is especially true the more attractive she is. Women attend functions like the ones above with at least the passing hope of meeting Men, unless she's already with a guy (and even then, you never really know). To win her, you have to win over her group, because Women are Creatures of the Herd; what one does they all do.

2. Understand and apply the Three Second Rule: If you make eye contact with a Woman and she holds it for a few seconds, MAKE AN APPROACH. If you don't know what to say, lookup some canned openers. Don't be put off by what Women say about canned stuff, they're only being themselves. Canned stuff can work just as well as anything else, because it ain't what you're saying but how you're saying it that counts the most. Learn about three good openers and practice them as much as possible.

3. An interested Woman will position herself close by to you, usually in an innocent way, such as having her back to you; when you understand Female Psychology, you'll know why. This is why you need to constantly survey the scene around you, because if you don't you could be missing a chance to get with someone really nice. If you're in a venue and you notice a Woman conspicuously "hovering" near you, OPEN HER. Say something, anything, to get things off the ground. Develop your Proximity Alert System. You'll be glad you did.

Bottomline: barring the Altes of the world, the vast majority of Women simply will NOT make the first move; that falls on the Man to do that. And it makes sense, when you think about it - after all, Game is about social dominance, which 95% of all Women alive or dead, crave. If you don't even have the heart to approach, how are you going to have the heart to do anything else?

Now adjourn your asses...

The Obsidian

24 comment(s).

Posted by paigeu:

I didn't do the herd thing because other women always discouraged my taste in men. I have a serious fetish for outliers. I always like the guy that other girls look past.

Editor: Do you hear/see this fellas? This is why Peacock Theory is so important. More on this soon, count on it...O.
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 11:46 AM

Posted by Susan Walsh:

I can't help but feel this is really your calling, Obs. Heck, I read this stuff and wish I could try it myself, LOL. You're also at your funniest when writing about Game - that reference to Saturday Night Fever cracked me up!

Editor: Why thank you, Ms. Walsh. Coming from you that is a high honor indeed. O.
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 1:27 PM

Posted by Alte:

Brilliant, O.

I swear to God, NYC has got to be thee easiest place on the planet to pickup chicks. It's like shooting fish in a barrell.

LOL. I've been to NYC a few times, and it is like that. It's the exact opposite out here in the country, where women are often in the minority. If I go out with my husband here, I sometimes feel like an animal in a zoo because of the men:women ration. But when we're out in DC, it's more like NYC. That might be why the women there seem so slutty; they're desperate.

barring the Altes of the world

Yeah, not everyone is as desperate as I was.
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 1:44 PM

Posted by CSPB:

Great post O.

In my local venue a small town Midwestern bar with live country bands, the men usually outnumber the women. The men cluster by the door, the bar and the pool table. The women are closer to the dance floor. Often there will be attractive women dancing by themselves. All a man has to do is walk directly up to the target on the dance floor. Start dancing with her, and if he has some dance ability it is ON. Take her hand and just do a spin. BOOM. She is the feature. She feels good and he had demonstrated his respectful dominance. No words may have been spoken yet she will start REALLY moving her body. If he can run her ass breathless and have her giggling… WHOA! It won't be long until she is whispering what she wants in his ear, and not a PG version either. He may not have said a word at this point, but he better have locked eyes and communicated his intent. Dance floor Game is fun because you are expected to touch her (KINO). You can touch her arm and pull her in to say something. You can spin her. You can turn her back to you and a whole lot more. Women that are dancing are AMPED for this.

All the other women want to be the woman that is dancing with YOU. So you got social proof and can bounce from woman to woman. This is ABUNDANCE and a man can choose the one HE wants. None of this settling for just any woman that will have him.
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 2:49 PM

Posted by CSPB:

Women get their “state” from the environment. Music makes women feel, it makes women want to dance. She CANNOT hear music without moving her body. A man gets his “state” from inside himself. He usually stands there like a dolt. He is a stick and does not move to the music (I’m specifically speaking about white guys, but the point is still valid.) When a man moves his body to the music, he is “speaking” a woman’s language. He is FUN and shows some SWAGGER. She is having fun and wants more FUN. He is matching her “state.” It is not productive at all to have her match his “state.” Because that is not FUN and she would have to stop moving her body, which would bring her into a lower “state” and cool any tingles. You gotta match “state” to develop rapport and the natural male “state” aint gonna cut it. O can talk about rapport and the need to break rapport and reestablish it in a more advanced lesson.

Guys are so afraid of dancing because they think they will make a fool of themselves. Or they think it is not masculine. Yeah RIGHT… ha ha. All the AFCs at the back of the room holding their drinks in front of their chest as a protective shield don’t have a clue. (Hold your drink down, keep your chest unobstructed because it shows dominance. Practice this because if your body shows confidence your mind must eventually follow to be in congruence!)

Game is not about pick-up lines, it is primarily about confidence and willingness to put yourself “out there.” Women notice and are attracted to the bold. So even when the guys outnumber the girls, the dynamics are no different. There are so few guys that got what it takes that the game is the same.

As O well knows, there are several themes in this comment that could be developed into an entire O POST (long LOL).

Editor: Tru dat! More to come on this topic, guaranteed. Stay tuned...O.
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 2:50 PM

Posted by Alte:

That's true, CSPB. That's what it's like here, too. Lots of men, few women, but little interaction.

Editor: You gotta be kiddin' me. SMH...O.
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 3:09 PM

Posted by paigeu:

CSPB- I enjoyed your story. Is there a part 2?
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 4:19 PM

Posted by CSPB:

Paige, the coy way you feign innocence is not fooling me.
Yeah... Hmm Part 2…. (That would be escalation.) O’s post is about approaching so any further details from me would only derail the thread. I didn’t intend to write a Field Report.

Editor: Nah, by all means, do what you feel CSPB! I can always go back and do a fullblown post on what you put down, like I did with the ladies' comments from the previous post/thread. You're doing an excellent job and I want you to know that I very much appreciate the assist - its like having a Virtual Wingman! O.
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 4:57 PM

Posted by paige:

Me? Coy?
Perhaps you need your own blog. o:)
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 5:06 PM

Posted by Y:

Yes, preselection is real. Personally I only go for the guys I like, damn everyone else. But I do remember being in middle/high school and mentioning a crush to a girlfriend. Said girl didnt even know these guys existed but once I spoke up all of a sudden they were trying to befriend the guy.

Like I said, preselection is real. I was in Evo Psych last week and a few of the women in class admitted they want a man that other women wanted
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 6:06 PM

Posted by CSPB:

I tried posting this earlier but it got lost somehow.

Women get their “state” from the environment. Music makes women feel, it makes women want to dance. She CANNOT hear music without moving her body. A man gets his “state” from inside himself. He usually stands there like a dolt. He is a stick and does not move to the music (I’m specifically speaking about white guys, but the point is still valid.) When a man moves his body to the music, he is “speaking” a woman’s language. He is FUN and shows some SWAGGER. She is having fun and wants more FUN. He is matching her “state.” It is not productive at all to have her match his “state.” Because that is not FUN and she would have to stop moving her body, which would bring her into a lower “state” and cool any tingles. You gotta match “state” to develop rapport and the natural male “state” aint gonna cut it. O can talk about rapport and the need to break rapport and reestablish it in a more advanced lesson.

Guys are so afraid of dancing because they think they will make a fool of themselves. Or they think it is not masculine. Yeah RIGHT… ha ha. All the AFCs at the back of the room holding their drinks in front of their chest as a protective shield don’t have a clue. (Hold your drink down, keep your chest unobstructed because it shows dominance. Practice this because if your body shows confidence your mind must eventually follow to be in congruence!)

Game is not about pick-up lines, it is primarily about confidence and willingness to put yourself “out there.” Women notice and are attracted to the bold. So even when the guys outnumber the girls, the dynamics are no different. There are so few guys that got what it takes that the game is the same.

As O well knows, there are several themes in this comment that could be developed into an entire O POST (long LOL).
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 6:20 PM

Posted by Athlone McGinnis:

I don't ask girls for their numbers anymore. My preferred modus operendi(which has come on recently, just the past couple of months) is a bit less conventional. Obsidian will probably diss it but I'll outline it anyway because it has been quite effective for me.

I'll identify the girl based on her expressed level of interest. If I'm walking by and I get strong, prolonged eye contact, I'll hold it, stop and initiate conversation. Often times, I find they'll just come up to me, and from there I also engage in conversation. If I get no clear signal, I won’t bother. Recognizing female signals(which I’ve gotten better at after reading Assanova and a couple of others) is key to this. I don’t bother doing cold approaches, they’re not necessary except to lay a little groundwork for social circle game.

I try to keep it running for a few minutes-make her laugh, a couple of jokes about the environment around us(they're not hard to come up with in a frat basement). Usually I also try to create an "inside joke" between us(a nickname I give her or whatever). The conversation just has to be memorable-enough laughs and jokes(coupled with the fact that you acted on HER displayed interest rather than just being another of the 20 o so random guys approaching her that night) should ensure that.

Then I end the conversation and leave-no number or anything. The next day, having gotten her full name, I locate her on facebook and send some sort of message(usually with inside joke included) with a friend request. They usually respond well to this.
A little later on I'll send her a message along these lines:
"What's up? I was thinking that we should chill this weekend. My number is (xxx-xxxx). Shoot me a text and we'll make plans."
A short while later and I usually get a text with a smiley or something. I suggest a venue, and we're good. Hookup will ensue upon the end of this second meeting. Once you’ve gotten her to respond to you on her own time, it is all downhill fro
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 11:05 PM

Posted by Athlone McGinnis:

Once you’ve gotten her to respond to you on her own time, it is all downhill from there.

I used to go about things the old way-cold approach a cute girl, talk, dance, then ask for her number. I rarely ever got responses that way. I'd hit her up the next day and she wouldn't even know who I was. I started using this newer strategy and saw results immediately(went from a year-long hookup dry spell to a couple within two months that included everything but intercourse). I don't plan on giving up on it.
And an alternative move: Instead of just walking away at the end of your initial conversation, take her phone right there and then, add your contact info, give it back and let her know to hit you up. That’s worked pretty well to, and you can still do the FB thing the next day. Either way is effective IMO, but the days of me cold approaching women and asking for their number so I can chase them are over. I’ll let every other guy around me continue with that strategy.
Sunday, February 27th 2011 @ 11:06 PM

Posted by links of london sweetie:

Paige, the coy way you feign innocence is not fooling me.
Yeah... Hmm Part 2…. (That would be escalation.) O’s post is about approaching so any further details from me would only derail the thread. I didn’t intend to write a Field Report.
Monday, February 28th 2011 @ 12:47 AM

Posted by DJ:

As a white guy, I dance quite a lot, invariable other white guys will try to shame you out of it by accusing you of being gay. Real f*cking sad if you ask me. Especially if you happen to dance more like a black guy and actually have rhythm, which most white fellas dont. (esp. AFC white guys, who make me sick)
Monday, February 28th 2011 @ 2:46 PM

Posted by Alte:

My husband likes to dance, and he's pretty good at it. Most of the German guys I know are passable dancers; maybe it's because they take lessons in school. The white guys I knew in the South seemed to have more rhythm than here in the North, where most of them are pretty hopeless.

It's mostly a cultural thing, I think. All of the white guys I know who are married to black or Hispanic women are good dancers, as was every white guy I dated. I dated a Filipino guy who was a really great dancer, but he was into martial arts, so that might be why.
Tuesday, March 1st 2011 @ 9:07 AM

Posted by BLACK COLLAR:

O, don't know why you think the alternative "incense crowd" black chicks are any different than the hood rats. Erykah Badu got 3 kids from 3 different baby daddies, not a single 1 from Common (with whom she was "celibate"), BUT her last 1 from a gangsta rapper.

Neosoul incense chicks ain't nothin' but hoodrats with dreads and big hair wraps.

Instead of "chickenheads" we can call them "lettuceheads" (but more accurately "potheads")
_____________________
Tuesday, March 1st 2011 @ 11:42 PM

Posted by Obsidian:

Black Collar,
Let me ask you a question. What kinds of ladies do you find attractive?

Just curious.

Thanks.

O.
Wednesday, March 2nd 2011 @ 12:03 AM

Posted by BRAVE COLLAR:

Physically, I don't really have a "type". I find all kinds of women attractive. But multiple kids by multiple men? Nah.
Wednesday, March 2nd 2011 @ 10:55 AM

Posted by Obsidian:

Black Collar,
OK, thanks for responding. I am curious as to why you would assume that I automatically was speaking of Erykah Badu in particular, or that the whole of the Incsense Crowd was damaged goods? Seems to me that you have a personal axe to grind or something. Which was why I thought to ask what you thought was your type of lady to chat up. Anyway, thanks.

O.
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