“Men occasionally stumble over the truth, but most of them hurry off as if nothing ever happened.”
Damon "The Champ" Young's Sep 20, 2012 article for Ebony.com takes up a most timely topic indeed - the so-called "Man-Less Meet Market". Below are my Sep 21, 2012 remarks on the matter that originally appeared on Champ's blog, Very Smart Brothas; it has been slightly edited with additional fresh commentary, the original text appearing in italics...
*Good afternoon Champ,
Glad you could join us, good sir.
As per usual, excellent topics, and while I see you've stumbled into the truth and then hurriedly backed off, please allow me to drive the spear (I prefer them to shanks) in the rest of the way.
The right honorable Brotha Mr. Champ is being way too kind in his delineation as to why so many "meet markets" have so few Brothas in attendance; of course, he's correct (largely), but as I'm a lover of in-your-face brutal bluntforce honesty, allow me to go one better:
The reason why so many Brothas are MIA, not just at the aformentioned events, but at so many socials and the like where Men and Women are supposed to meet, is because you ladies have made it abundantly clear, in ways big and small, implicit and explicit, that 99.9999% of Brothas simply arent good enough-if theyre good at all. Champ is 100% right-how can any mere mortal Brotha really compare to say, the incomparable Paul Carrick Brunson? Of course, he's taken-but since when did that ever stop a lady from having a go-or failing that, of dreaming on it?
Tell the Truth and shame the Devil, ladies.*
As if on cue, the following comment, from one Ms. SilenceNoGood, really zeroes in on a particularly ticklish question for our intrepid "Black Male Relationship Bloggers/Experts/Coaches":
"Let's be real Damon, some women are jockeying to get with you guys...
Too much is going on that resembles what I saw in church. And I don't want to sleep with the panelists but I have felt the drunken seduction happening when I slapped myself that I was falling for it. It's an intoxicating spectacle to sit at the feet of men on a panel talking and you say nothing. You end up eating it up because they make themselves sellable and chances are if they are attractive and sound sensical, they activate stimuli. Your minds starts wondering and you start thinking they are cute...
I read a lot of what you write and you are damn sexy. I have no idea what you look like. So yeah, I'd definitely want to fock you if I was sitting at a lower-level having to look up to you at a height. It's all the staging that adds to the fact that I love your mind and if I heard it live, I'd probably want to fock you...
You know women want to fock you and the other fellas."
A rare moment of Feminine clarity, indeed!
So - let's get to that ticklish question, shall we? These "meet markets" - are they really venues where average Brothas can meet and possibly get to know better, average Sistas - or, are they de facto showcases for the de facto Alpha Brothas of the entertainment (and please do not fool yourself - this is ALL entertainment) world to strut their stuff and check out the ladies for themselves?
To ask the question, is to answer it, I think.
Moreover - of all the names Champ has mentioned above - Brunson, Cummings, Samuel, Jackson, et al - who among them actually specializes in giving average Brothas out there the tools to get the ladies they actually want? I think it's fair to say, after giving all of these Brothas a fair reading/hearing/viewing (including Champ and his partner in crime Panama Jackson's VSB), that the evidence - or the decided lack thereof - speaks for itself. Not only is there NO such advice/intel to be gleaned for the express purpose of assisting Brothas to be found in the whole lot of these gents' blogs, but one can make a very powerful case that said blogs exist to
cater pander to the interests needs fantasies of "Bougie" Sistas - which, as Champ himself is keen to point out, has quite a bit of disposable cash on hand, to boot.
Nice work, if you can get it...
*So, the Brothas have listened to you, loud and clear-and have quietly voted with their feet. To be frank, I gotta tell alla ya I'm surprised its taken somebody this long to finally notice what's been going on for decades.
The Bougie Girls, like their White counterparts (Google Kate Bolick) have priced themselves out of the "meet market"-they're not high powered enough to compete with the Kim Kardashians of the world for the Paul Carrick Brunsons of the world, and they/you simply don't tingle for the vast majority of mere mortal Brothas either…the Paradox of Choice, is a MFer, aint it?* Indeed, it is!-and as I point out above, nor is this anything in the least bit new. Since Champ has mentioned the name of one Mr. Slim Jackson, of Single Black Male fame, here's a most interesting post dated Aug 17, 2012, asking the burning question: Why Are So Many Black Men Single? That post generated more than 250 comments - one of the highest in terms of sheer commenter counts in recent months from what I can tell - and which only goes to buttress my point and position(s) on the matter. Black Men have been silently voting with their feet on these matters, for decades. The "silent kill", fo sho.
*Meanwhile, the vast majority of Brothas soldier on with their lives; some get more degrees; others work more; and still others veg out in front of the ginornmous flatscreen TV to play a few games of Madden 2012. While quite a few will be and remain incel (that's "involuntarily celibate" for the unitiated), trust me when I tell you that you'd be quite surprised to learn of how many keep comapny with the Ratchets-which is many of you ladies true competition, not White girls, by the way.*
This is a crucial, crucial point, that simply must be addressed, in more detail. For while the Sistas that makeup the target demo that Champ et al
caters panders to, loves to scapegoat their failures in love on "White Girls" and the like, in truth it's the Ratchets of the World who are doing the most damage to them. Why? Because, despite their often colorful reputations and their fair share of problems, at bottom Ratchets can and will do the things Men want - like submissiveness, for example. All the sound and fury that is often associated with Ratchets comes to a halt more often than not, behind closed doors. Then there's the simple, if painful (that is, to the ears of the Bougie Sistas Set) fact, that Ratchets have lower expectations when it comes to Men - so if they have the chance to bag one of those average Brothas who frequents the "meet markets" and comes up short, she has - both figuratively and literally - hit the jackpot. She has a Man who, in every way, is better than her - smarter, more (legitimately earned) money, likely to come from "better stock", you name it - and as we here at my dojo know well, this is key in satisfying any Woman's natural Hypergamous instinct. White Girls get the bad rap, not because of the facts on the ground, but rather, because it serves as a way for Bougie Sistas to assuage their hurt egos; since Black Women know that they cannot compete on the open market against White Women, it then makes sense to chalk up their failures in this regard to them, instead of what anyone who spends any demonstrable length of time in Black America's urban streets can see with one good eye.
That Denial, is a powerful drug...
*The Coming Apart of Black America is at this point virtually complete; it's all over but the shouting. Of course, it should go without saying at this point that not too many Brothas are terribly interested in wanting to partner up, largely because so many of you aren't as wonderful as you have been led to believe; and in any event, though the likes of Ebony etc. will never deign to ask, many Brothas have some ideas of their own as to how their lives are to proceed.* See the SBM post above - as well as the book Is Marriage For White People?, by Ralph Richard Banks. Although by his own admission he didn't interview many Brothas for his book, it nevertheless speaks in very candid terms as to why, at least in part, Brothas are waging a de facto - and deadly silent - strike against marriage and attendant "meet markets". Finally, a word about my referencing of Charles Murray above. Coming Apart, like The Bell Curve before it, are arguments that are rooted in the premise that American society has been, as a result of a rise in the importance of high-function cognitive ability (I.Q.), our university system has been expert in "sorting" those of high I.Q. from those without - not only that, but the two, as a result of this sorting, are leading increasingly separated lives from each other. In and of itself, this wouldn't be so bad if the implications weren't so dire - among them, and bringing it home to Black America, being the fact that it's smartest Women, are literally dying out. A big part of the reason for that, is due to the things I've cited in this post. I'll have more to say on this note, in due course. Stay tuned.
Bon Appetit, ladies!
Now adjourn your arses…